You Can Trust Us (You/Fifth Harmony)

Chapter 32

Chapter 32

Your POV

One Week Later

I wish I could say I'm not worried about anything right now, and for a couple of days, that was true. It sure as hell ain't true now.

Again, nothing horrible happened. As far as I know, there's nothing that could've even triggered my worries. Wait, that's not true.

My worries were triggered by that damn book.

Don't get me wrong; I actually really like East of Eden. But I can't help but draw a few similarities between one part of the book and my real life. And it's not a good part.

The book's plot line centers around two families: the Hamilton family and the Trask family. The two families don't cross paths until later in the story, as far as I can tell, seeing as I'm only about ten chapters in, but that's not the point. Anyway, the Trask family consists of Cyrus Trask, his second wife Alice, and his two sons Adam (from his first marriage) and Charles. Cyrus admits that he likes Adam more than he likes Charles, and although he didn't say it to Charles, he knows it anyway, and he beats Adam and nearly kills him. This is an allusion to the Cain and Abel story from the Bible (A/N: Look it up if you don't know it, it might help make sense of this).

How does this apply to me?

It's like this: I am Adam/Abel. Ally is Charles/Cain. Our dad is Cyrus/God (not really, but you know what I mean). I don't think Ally will kill me, but I'm worried about her bitterness. I feel like she'll always be mad that I got to grow up with the man who helped create me, and she didn't. I'll never know why he stopped seeing her, or even whether or not he loved her. I hope he did. I hope he felt guilty for not being in her life.

That's probably a twisted thing to think about one's parent. I don't care. It's all true.

Anyway, it's been distracting me for a while now, and I'm especially distracted in English. Whenever we talk about the relationship between Adam and Charles, I go quiet. I think Miss Lawrence notices too, but she hasn't said anything about it to me. I've also been quiet around Ally lately, and she's definitely noticed.

I am such a damn chickenshit.

It's lunchtime, and instead of eating in the cafeteria (I've never liked it to begin with, even before the incident freshman year), I'm alone in the library. I could've eaten with Camila and Dinah, and sometimes I do, but I don't get much alone time these days. It's kind of exhausting to always be spending time with someone and having the only time alone be the time you spend asleep.

Back to the point: I'm eating in the library and trying extra hard not to get caught. There's a rule against eating in the library, but I like to disregard it. Every time someone walks by, I hide whatever is in my hand under the table and pretend to read, then start eating again.

"You know you're not as slick as you think, right?"

I nearly jump at the voice that breaks me out of my thoughts. I turn in my chair and see Miss Lawrence standing by me.

"I know now", I mumble.

"Why aren't you in the lunchroom?", she asks.

"'Cause I don't need to be, or really want to be", I shrug before taking a bite of my sandwich.

"Oh, put that away." I shove the rest of it in my mouth. "Not like that."

I roll my eyes. Honestly, she should've specified.

"Well, since you've gotten that into your system, why don't you tell me what's been bothering you all week?" She takes a seat next to me at the table.

This woman sure enjoys getting straight to the point.

"How the hell could you possibly notice? And why me? There are, like, thirty kids in that class."

"You're my friend's sister. Of course I notice you."

I roll my eyes again.

"So, you were saying?"

"I wasn't, actually."

"Now you are."

"Why do you even care?"

"People care, Y/N. People around you. That shouldn't surprise or anger you."

"It doesn't. You just don't really have a reason to care."

She looks hurt for a second, but it disappears just as quick.

"It doesn't matter whether or not I have a reason. I do care, and you're going to tell me what's wrong."

"Am I allowed to say no?"

"You're not allowed."

"Fine." I breathe deeply. "I've been thinking. Cain and Abel. Charles and Adam. In both instances, there was someone who felt abandoned. Cain felt forsaken by God, and Charles knew his father favored Adam over him. And, well..." I trail off for a second. "You probably know about mine and Ally's father."

"I do." Miss Lawrence reaches for my hand. "You think that Ally's Cain and you're Abel."

"Well, I don't think she'll kill me." At this, we both chuckle. "But I can't help but think that she feels abandoned."

"Y/N, I've know Ally for a few years now, and I won't deny that once upon a time, yes, she did feel abandoned. But I also know that she feels no jealousy towards you. She loves you a lot, and nothing's going to change that."

I look at the floor, slightly embarrassed. She's right. I should've known better than to think what I thought.

"Thank you", I whisper.

"No problem. So long as this means you can stop zoning off in class."

"No promises."

Miss Lawrence rolls her eyes, lets go of my hand, and gets up to leave.

The second she's out of my sight, I eat the rest of my food.

* * *

By the time I get home, I feel a lot better that I've been feeling this week. When I enter the door, Ally's getting a snack in the kitchen.

"I'm home!", I shout a bit louder than necessary.

"I noticed", Ally giggles.

I slip into the kitchen and grab a cheese stick from the fridge. Just before taking a bite, I kiss my sister on the cheek. As I walk out, I yell out in between bites, "I love you!"

"I love you, too!", she calls back.

I smile and go in my room, but Lauren and Normani come out of theirs and follow me.

"Aww", Mani coos. "Did I just hear an 'I love you'?"

"Maybe."

"I love you, Y/N", she says in a fake dramatic tone before wrapping her arms around me in a bone crushing hug.

"Get off", I breathe out.

"Not until you say you love me, too."

"But that'd be a lie."

She merely hugs me tighter, if that's even possible.

"Lo, help."

"You got yourself into this", Lauren smirks. "You get yourself out."

Dammit.

"Fine. I love you too."

Satisfied, Normani releases me. I feel able to breathe again.

"Yeah, you better keep your hands off the merchandise", Lauren teases, and we all laugh.

Author's Note: Goddamn. First Dinah turned eighteen, now Lauren's nineteen, what the hell happened? The older the girls get, the older I feel. Is that weird?

On another note, I am very happy that gay marriage is now legal in all 50 states, even though I'm not gay. It's about damn time.

Hope you're all having a good summer!