Book- Misunderstood

Chapter 12

It was probably at this point I realized genuinely that something was wrong with me and that I was a damaged person. I always remember looking into windows, mirrors, and water. I would always stare at my reflection, my once hopeful pale blue eyes now darkened, circles etched beneath my eyes, dark and forbidding, my hair ruffled and short, my face solemn with an expression of a person that held no joy in life. In my eyes I saw what I physically looked like. In my mind though, I saw nothing but fragments of a monster, and like all monsters that many could imagine, I was afraid of myself, but I saw something else inside the monster that bared it's fangs at everyone. I saw sadness.After some time with the therapist, the course of weeks that I explained my problems to him and solely him, he could only off slight consolement, telling me that if my perceptions didn't change from what they currently were, I would remain the way I was. This didn't bother me much as my normal mental state returned to me, but I realized though that I needed to direct what I held in me as to keep from hurting people who... 'cared' for me. I regarded myself to change, practicing many times talking to myself to be... nice again. It was hard as the entirety of the acting seemed quite fake, at least to me. Slowly, in a few weeks, I was able to talk and act normal, making jokes that made more sense, talking friendly, smiling at people. Though I knew that this was merely a mask for who I was, and the more I seemed to wear it, the more I felt hollow inside at the lack of humanity. Though while no one else noticed, I found that Alley saw right through the 'mask' the day I wore it."Whats wrong?"Alley stared at me, with her now usual appearance as she had the day she looked so different. Her eyes pierced me, curious and wondering why I was so receptive now to the people whom I claimed to utterly hate so much before. I looked at her, a little shocked at her observation, though decided to play stupid. I smiled at her, cocking my eyebrow expertly in a confused look."What do you mean what's wrong?"She walked toward me and narrowed her eyes as she got right in my face, and I gave a look of fear and confusion, seeing her eyes searching mine, moving slowly as if looking for answers. I looked away a moment only for her hands to grab my face and move it to face her. I couldn't look away from her intense hazel eyes. She spoke accusingly."Where's the insults? Where's the you that I know? Stop acting."I gave a look of mock surprise and decided to give up my farce, letting the newly created mask fall from my face as I smirked a little at my only friend. She smiled when I looked at her without care again, though I was much less hostile."Fine, you caught me four eyes. There's no reward for it though."She smiled brightly at me and patted my face before backing away from me. She then made a face of surprise a moment only for her to run to her backpack and take out papers upon papers until she pulled out one that seemed more important to her than any of the others. She ran back to me quickly, knocking a few chairs over before presenting the paper to me, words all around it."I know it's senior year and all, but I wanted to know what you'd be when you grew up. So I'm gonna go to forensic school and take classes so I can be a private detective!"I looked over the paper's requirements which seemed quite high compared to the average student, though with my damaged mind, I had the perk of being in the top 5% of my class, easily being desired by many colleges. I looked over the paper carefully and looked at her."I'll be a private detective too."I chuckled when I saw her face turn a slight shade of red, then she took a larger look of surprise at my choice. She looked down at the ground a moment then back up at me, her eyes pleading me for something, even before she had yet to tell me what it is she might have been thinking. All I knew was that I would most likely work with her in our own agency. For now though, I just enjoyed the silence of the cafeteria, where anyone could have said anything at that moment and all reality would have crashed in on me again, but no one did. I never would have known the truth then, but it would come soon.