Pick Your Poison

14

Becky POV

By the time we reach my apartment, Freen has fallen asleep but she is clinging to me tightly, shivering with the occasional tear rolling down her cheek. I just hold her and let her rest, if she wants to talk about it she can but I won't pressure her. Seeing her like this breaks my heart, I knew she was sensitive but seeing her completely break down makes me want to keep her in a bubble and protect her from everything, but I know that's not possible.
"Freen, we're here" I says to her, softly shaking her arm. She slowly opens her eyes, loosening her grip so I can help her out of the taxi. Once we are out, she clings to my arm as we climb the flights of stairs to my apartment, neither of us saying anything. When we make it into my apartment, I guide her to the couch and grab her a glass of water, before settling down next to her.
"I'm sorry" she says, as she cuddles into my arms, she feels incredibly small right now, "You don't need to apologise, Freen. If anything I should be apologising, I shouldn't have left you alone" I say. "No. It's not your fault, I just overreacted or something and now it's ruined your night. I'm sorry" I squeeze her tightly, feeling her tears making my chest damp, "I promise, you haven't ruined anything. And you didn't overreact, from what you've said that Chris sounds like a nasty piece of work".
She takes a deep breath, "He first asked me if we could have a threesome, which obviously I said no, then he asked if he could watch, so I said no again." She pauses, then lets out a shaky breath as I feel more tears on my chest. "Then he said something about it being a waste and that he was getting hard thi... thinking about it" I stroke her back, trying to keep her calm even though my blood is boiling, "So I told him to fuck off and he called me a dyke bitch, then he said you would... you would leave me for a man and he said some gross things about you and that's when I lost it and... and stormed out".
She has started sobbing again, quietly begging me not to leave, and holding me so tight I feel like she could crush my ribs, I feel tears well up in my eyes hearing what she went through, I should have been there to protect her. Now's not the time for me to get emotional though, I have to look after her so I blink back my tears, "I'm so sorry you went through that, Freen. I'm not going anywhere, I love you so much, you're okay". She takes another deep breath, trying to compose herself, "I love you too".
"Do you need anything? I can get you some food, anything you want" I say pulling back to look at her face, "Um, do you have any Kool Fever strips?" She says looking up at me. "I do, actually I'll go grab one. Anything else?" She just shakes her head so I quickly get the strips from the cupboard. "Do you get headaches as well?" She asks as I stick the strip on her forehead, "Sometimes, but...  I um, I bought them incase you ever got a headache while you're here" I can feel the heat rising in my cheeks as I pull my hands from her forehead. Before I drop them into my lap, Freen takes them into her own, "I love you so much, I didn't think I was capable of loving someone so much but then you came along and... god I don't even know where I'm going with this but I really really love you" she presses a kiss into my knuckles.
Feeling tears pricking my eyes I reply, "I love you too, more than I can describe. You are the most precious thing in my life" tears are now running down both of our cheeks as we sit face to face, holding hands tightly. "Before, I felt like I was missing something, I was caving something and it was you. I feel whole now, I don't feel like I'm missing anything, you filled the gaps. You are perfect" At my confession, Freen begins shaking her head, "No I'm not, I'm anxious and terrified that you'll leave even though I know you love me. I had a fucking panic attack tonight just because of a minor confrontation and being in a busy place. I'm the furthest thing from perfect, I'm a shit show" I take her head in my hands forcing her to look at me. "Stop. Don't talk about yourself like that. I'm telling you how I see all of this, I've seen all of you and I love every bit of you. I hate that you have to deal with shitty things because it hurts you but it doesn't make me love you any less than if you didn't have those things and it doesn't make you any less perfect to me." I kiss her head above the Kool Fever, before resting our foreheads together.
"Im sorry" she says in a tiny voice, I lie backwards pulling her on top of me in a cuddle, "I'm gonna ban you from apologising" I say as I stoke her hair. We stay cuddled up together on the couch, enjoying the comfort of each other, until my eyelids begin to feel heavy. "Let's go to bed, my love" I say starting to slowly sit up, Freen just nods as she gets up, taking my hand to help me up then walking to the bedroom.
We help each other clean off our makeup and get undressed, finally slipping under the sheets together. "You know, you really do look cute with a Kool Fever on your head. I think you're just about the only person on earth that could be said about." She smiles as she sighs, nestling into my arms, "Goodnight, my Super Becky". Resting my head above hers, I reply, "Goodnight, my Freenky". It doesn't take long for us both to fall asleep.
I wake up to mumbling, coming from Freen who is squeezing me tightly, still fast asleep. Straining my ears, I hear what she's saying and it breaks my heart. "Stay here, please just stay. Don't leave Becbec, don't leave me" she is almost whimpering along with some incoherent babble, tears trickling down her soft cheeks. I take my arm that isn't being held by her and gently wipe her cheeks, I'm not sure whether I should wake her or not. I decide not to, panic attacks can be exhausting so she needs to rest, instead whispering reassurance to her.
"I'm not going anywhere, Freen, I love you, I couldn't leave you it would break me, I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere", After repeating this for a while she stops mumbling and nestles into me, her grip still as tight as it was before. My thoughts are racing as I stroke her back, hoping to calm her subconscious, how can I show her I'm not going anywhere? I really can't see myself ever leaving her, honestly I want to marry her but I know it's too soon for that. My thoughts continue to whirl around my mind as I drift back to sleep.

The next morning, I wake up with Freen still clinging to me tightly. I check the time and see that it's 10:33am, "Freen, it's time to wake up darling" I say softly, kissing the top of her head. "Mmm, what time is it?" She asks as she cuddles into me, "10:33" she pulls away from me so I can finally see all of her beautiful face. She looks tired, her eyes are puffy from crying and the Kool Fever still somehow on her head, but still as beautiful as ever. "What do you want for breakfast? I'll cook something, you must be hungry." She says, moving to get out of bed, "Wait. I'm not hungry, can we just cuddle here for a bit? Unless you're hungry".
I take her hand, gently pulling her towards me, "Okay, I'm not hungry yet" she moves back to me and lies on her side so we are face to face. "Thank you" I whisper, resting my forehead on her own, "Hang on" I say pulling back, she frowns slightly then starts giggling as I peel the Kool Fever off her. "How did that stay on all night?" She laughs, "I don't know, but I want to feel you" I say, throwing it onto the bedside table before reconnecting our foreheads.
I can feel her breath tickling my lips, as she wraps her arms around my bare waist, pulling our bodies closer. "I'm sorry if I scared you last night", I bring my hand up to caress her cheek, "You don't need to apologise, it was a bit scary but all I care about is making sure you're okay". Shaking her head slightly, she replies "No, that's not what I mean" breathing in a deep breath, "I can remember begging you not to leave me, that was too much, I can't put that on you when we're so early on in our relationship. I get anxious about people I care about leaving me, I think it mostly comes from my dad leaving me and mum when I was young. But that's my issue, I don't want you to feel like you have to stay with me because you're worried about what it would do to me if you left."
I can see her eyes are glassy, she is trying to stop herself from crying and honestly I am too. "If you want to break up with me it's your decision and I'll just deal with it, it's not your issue and I don't want to burden you with it", tears start to fall from her eyes, "Please stop, Freen. I'm not leaving you. I don't think could bring myself to break up with you, even if I wanted to. It would break me. I love you so much and I honestly can't see myself ever wanting to break up with you." We are both crying at this point, "I'm so sorry you've had to deal with all of that, and I'm glad you feel comfortable discussing it with me. You will never be a burden to me"
"Are you sure?" She whispers between sniffles, "Of course" I reply before pressing a long kiss on her lips. "Baby, I'm all snotty and gross" she complains as we break apart, laughing I reply, "You may be snotty, but you'll never be gross" I wipe the tears from under her eyes, and she does the same for me. "Next week you have half term don't you?", she nods in response, "Do you have anything planned?" I ask her, "No, only relaxing and spending time with you" I smile and start planning in my head.
I'm going to take her on a trip.
Well, she'll be driving so technically she's taking us but you get what I mean. I booked the week off work when she told me a few weeks ago back that it was her half term as a surprise so we could spend some more time together, but now I have a much better plan. Freen starts making us pancakes for brunch so I use the time to start looking for a place to stay. After a few minutes of looking, I find a small cabin by a beach that's not too far from us. It's cosy and romantic with a private pool and a path down onto the beach. It's perfect.
I book it quickly and go over to try and help Freen with preparing the food. We spend the rest of the morning relaxing, then head into town for Freens haircut appointment which gives me the perfect opportunity to finish my plan.