But gosh, I learnt so much here.
The love the hate.
Learned a whole great lot here.
How to prioritize and deal here.
I dread the dread I feel here.
But dread the feeling of never being here.
And I dunno,
It isn't as if I didn't learn.
I learned, I grew, I challenged and I messed up.
I see the human factory-
But man, I worked there.
I worked there alongside the best and the worst that humanity has to offer.
The indifference.
The empty looks and the long wakeful nights.
I had those times that made me cry,
But the laughter too.
And the therapeutic moments that no one can understand unless they are living them. Those things that can't be explained because the moment you put words to them....
They disappear and become meaningless.
I am far too outspoken.
I say things that should not be said out loud.
I do not know how to lock the vault.
And that is a problem in a place like here.
I should be silent.
Yet those times I grew silent was like drawing a curtain over my light.
I became dull and vacant.
My ability to connect and comfort dampened.
I became mechanical, robotic.
Here is beautiful, in how awful it is.
Your heart breaks, over and over.
Well, mine does any way.
It breaks for these exhausted workers,
Dragging themselves by, day after day.
Weary, beaten down, trying so damn hard. Going from one blow out to the next,
Never enough time, never enough people to go around. Stretched to the breaking point, but trying to pull themselves together.
And it's heart breaking, discouraging, frustrating,
Not to only see it, but be it and live it.
To Be one of those broken down.
To not only understand it, but experience it.
Nothing matters until it happens to you.
It's not that it doesn't matter-
It's that you can't properly understand it.
It's like explaining the moon-
Until you've been there, it's Mars.
(Departure from facility work)
ElizaBeth ARt
