Because in the end
I'm nobody's forever.
That's kinda sad, but at the same time no...
Since I belonged to me, the whole damn time.
While I was clinging and crying, life was just happening.
It was such a side trip-
Such a trip man... and for real.
Because I had Security and adventure,
I chased the stars with the whole world in hand.
The Raven's Nevermore, and the best kind of musical porn going.
I had graffiti in nature and waterfalls.
There's nothing to regret,
Just a bunch of crop circles in the field...
And she's trapped out there, twirling in the wind.
There has been love,
Just so much love it takes the breath away.
While I was pounding down the doors of love that never was...
And for what.
Looking for myself wherever I go....
Those times lost at sea were spectacular.
And stars on the nights spent out swinging on a swing.
By a bridge, on the tracks for a train.
There was water that tried to eat- and the healing summers' rain.
I found the mountains,
And lord knows I needed them.
And when I screamed out into the night,
Someone was listening.
Maybe they even heard.
How glorious would that be...
Granted the gift of time to unfuck some stuff.
Maybe even fix it a little.
I wouldn't even bother to hope for the chance to make things better-
But I can dream that I'm doing my best.
Life is that thing that just happens,
While you're doing something else.
And living hard, time flies.
I can't even look back and say I didn't spend it-
But the jury is out on "wisely".
A bit less numbing would have helped a bit.
Overthinking is one hell of a drug.
I never recommend it- yet I'm stuck here thinking on things any way.
On those days my own voice drives me crazy,
I like to hum a little.
Which reminds me of that time she told me that humming was passive aggressive.
I wonder if it is-
Tiny Dancer.
Or was it Tony Danza?
I enchant the idea of purpose,
With the idea that focus might help a bit.
Goals could be better... but where is the motivation to achieve.
I've tried that- and I have fears.
And it would be bliss to fall asleep to never end.
As if the act of closing the eyes could make it all worthwhile.
That nothing would taste quite as sweet as absolute surrender.
Better yet wrapped in eternity, caressed and cradled in silence surrounded by the base vibration of presence.
Twined and twisted in my bedsheets fast asleep.
Roots laced lazily around, soil soft and feathery.
I would arch in humming desire for disappearing within the abyss,
A gaping space spread to take me in.
The click of a lock and lights out.
Amen.
Still waking to the morning with a glance around.
Alright then,
Let's do it again.
