The Waiting Game || Harry Styles

Chapter 18

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Dancing, drinking and laughing for what felt like all of half an hour, but had realistically been around two hours. It was almost three in the morning, but none of us showed any signs of wanting to leave and go home. Delilah gave up on her shoes and took them off after about ten minutes, luckily the bar tender downstairs agreed to keep them with him until we left. But it was looking more likely he would be forcing them on her when the bar closed and we were asked to leave. 

The bar played the normal music, mostly old school bangers that everyone knew. The type of songs that aren't on your playlist yet you somehow know every word. Almost as if it's a right of passage to life: you know how to read, write, ride a bike, and every single lyric to 'Sweet Caroline'. The songs that we used to play at our college house parties, and now I was screaming them again with the same people. 

If you had told me a week ago that I would be doing this- no wait. If you had told me when I was eating dinner at Will's house that this is how my night would play out, I would have laughed in your face. But yet here I was. The boys had hardly changed since when we were all 18, still doing the same silly dance moves and singing, with Zayn and Liam just adding to the fun. Harry was stiff at first, like he had always been, acting as if he was to good to join in. 

But just like before, he couldn't hold off for more than three songs. Playfully rolling his eyes and laughing when his heart finally took over his head, and forgot about any embarrassment he may feel. The seven of us had carried on drinking, each of us going up to buy another round, other than Liam and Zayn. Liam had tried to get them first, but I pointed out how him and Zayn paid for all the drinks upstairs. I can tell they appreciated my gesture but still tried to put some sort of protest up, probably just to make themselves look courteous. But I refused. 

I think I had gone past drunk as I practically felt sober now, almost like I was starting again. However, I wish I could go back to the feeling I felt upstairs. As in the back of my mind was Will. I would either flash back to what had happened in his apartment or just feel some sort of guilt. He will just be sat at home, and here I am drinking with Harry. The person Will blamed. I would quickly snap out of these thoughts when Dee or Niall would grab me to dance, or start shouting whatever song was playing at me. But, my mind would always end back there. 

I thought the drink might ease the sort of pain I was feeling form earlier on. But if anything it's made my head just feel unclear. I take into account what Harry said, that his behaviour wasn't normal and a part of me believed that. But, I also understood that what Will said was correct, that he had made me better, helped me, fixed me. And what if I wouldn't ever get anything better, what if Will's love was the love I deserved. I can understand that it's not convenient, that I would have to keep certain things behind closed doors, but maybe it's just meant to be.  Thats what I am destined for. 

But is that the love that I want? 

I have always wanted what Niall and Delilah have, complete happiness. Something that will never change with them. Why should I settle for less, if people so close to me have it. Whether I deserve that sort of love or not, why shouldn't I try and find it? And I guess if that goes tits up I know what sort of future I am destined for. One of happiness or one forever wishing I had something else.