Hazbin Hotel Group Chat

Uninvited Guests

[Dick Master has joined the chat]
(Dick Master added Danger Tits to the chat)
Vagina:
NO! FUCKING NO!
Harder Daddy:
How the fuck did that happen? I own this chat.
Dick Master:
WHAT'S UP FUCKERS!
Daddy Issues:
... Is that fucking Adam?
Dick Master:
THE ONE AND ONLY!
Short King:
... I thought your ass was dead.
STAB:
STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB!
Whiskers:
... Everyone stay clear of her if you want to keep your fingers.
Freaky Face:
Are we ignoring that another individual has joined the chat?
Vagina:
Yes, we are. We are definitely ignoring that bitch.
Pop My Cherri:
... She hasn't even said anything. LMAO
Danger Tits:
Because I don't want to fucking be here.
Danger Tits:
Also... @Vagina... Shut the fuck up.
Vagina:
Wow, how fucking mature.
Danger Tits:
Says the one who just wanted to ignore my presence.
Daddy Issues:
... This isn't going to end well.
Short King:
You guys ever think about how Eve was created from @DickMaster's rib? Technically, wouldn't their genetic code be practically the same, with minor changes?
Dick Master:
SHUT UP!
Whiskers:
So... It's incest?
Dick Master:
FUCK YOU!
Harder Daddy:
Ew, so everyone who came from them... We're all related, meaning that everyone fucks family?
Danger Tits:
... I really don't want to be here.
Vagina:
LMFAO, I hate to say it, but I agree.
Daddy Issues:
... Dad, what the fuck did you start?
Short King:
LMAO, if Eve was like the female version of Adam, then I technically fucked Adam.
Daddy Issues:
... DID YOU FUCKING CHEAT ON MOM?
Short King:
Of course not. A threesome was her idea.
Daddy Issues:
NOPE! NOPE! I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!
Vagina:
Isn't fucking multiple people a sin or something?
Short King:
... Probably. LMAO
STAB:
HEY! Your angel club can now have two more members!
Vagina:
... I thought it was Fallen Angels. And, I said we weren't doing a club.
Short King:
WHO CARES? CLUB MEMBERS
Harder Daddy:
The existing members of the club are @ShortKing, @Vagina, and probably 10000 rubber ducks.
Short King:
IT'S TIME FOR THE WELCOMING RITUAL!
Vagina:
... Oh my fucking God.
Dick Master:
Why would we want to be a part of your shitty club?
Two Dicks:
What is this ritual?
Short King:
JOIN ME IN SINGING!
🎶A DUCK WALKED UP TO A LEMONADE STAND!🎶
Daddy Issues:
... Yeah, that's what I expected.
Dick Master:
🎶AND HE SAID TO THE MAN RUNNING THE STAND!🎶
Dick Master:
... I DIDN'T FUCKING TYPE THAT SHIT!
Pop My Cherri:
Then who did dumbass? The holy fucking ghost?
Danger Tits:
🎶HEY {BUM BUM BUM} GOT ANY GRAPES?🎶
Vagina:
LMFAO, that's the funniest shit I've ever seen.
Danger Tits:
If you don't shut the fuck up, I'll gouge out your other eye.
Danger Tits:
Also... Lucifer, fuck off.
Short King:
What? You guys didn't enjoy our song? It's our welcoming ritual!
Dick Master:
YOU HACKED OUR SHIT!
Vagina:
Also, @DangerTits, let's not forget who won between us last time. Do you want to keep your remaining arm, or lose that too?
Daddy Issues:
OK! Let's all calm down. This is a friendly chat, right? We can all get along!
Freaky Face:
... No, let this continue. I'm thoroughly entertained. Who's going to lose a body part next?
Vagina:
Fuck off Alastor.
Whiskers:
Who wants a drink, or 2... Or fucking 10?
Harder Daddy:
LET'S CHUG FUCKING EVERCLEAR!
Two Dicks:
We never figured out why @DickMaster and @DangerTits invaded our chat.
Danger Tits:
... It wasn't my idea. Once again, I don't want to fucking be here. I was added against my will.
Vagina:
THEN LEAVE BITCH!
Dick Master:
NOPE! I'll just keep adding her back. Plus, I thought you lame ass fuckers might need someone cool in here.
Dick Master:
And yes, @DangerTits counts as one of you lame asses.
Danger Tits:
... @Vagina, don't fucking say anything.
Vagina:
I agree with @DickMaster.
Daddy Issues:
... Every day, I just feel my hopes slipping away little by little...
Short King:
... Your emo phase ended years ago. Keep it that way.
Daddy Issues:
Wow, thanks Dad.
STAB:
Can I stab @DickMaster again, and again, and again, AND AGAIN?!
Danger Tits:
... And I thought I was fucked in the head.
Vagina:
Don't worry... You are. LMAO
Pop My Cherri:
Remember when I mentioned going to that shitty restaurant? Let's go now! A friend of mine is there and they said two idiots are fighting with hotdog buns.
Short King:
I'M ON MY WAY!
Harder Daddy:
... What friend of yours is there?
Pop My Cherri:
... OK, not a friend. Someone I fucked like a year ago. LMAO
Two Dicks:
Does this mean we're doing a ... GROUP SEX?
Pop My Cherri:
NO... Wait, do you want to?
Whiskers:
Discuss that shit somewhere else. Fucking hell.
Daddy Issues:
Did I ever tell you guys about how instead of hearing me out on my plan to redeem sinners, Adam told me a story about him and someone fucking? Then, he asked what I did that weekend. I had to listen to him talk about him and someone fucking!
Dick Master:
Holy shit! We fucked again by the way. Wanna hear about it?
Danger Tits:
NO!
Daddy Issues:
... I'm with her on that. No thank you. I'm good.
Short King:
... Who is it? I'll steal them too. Or... We could fuck.
Dick Master:
FUCKING WHAT?
Vagina:
... Please tell me that was an incorrect text. Some kind of mistake.
Short King:
... No.
Harder Daddy:
... SO YOU MEANT WHAT YOU SAID IN THAT FIGHT? LMFAO, I'd pay to see that, and I'm supposed to be the one getting paid to fuck.
Daddy Issues:
FUCK NO!
Vagina:
Fuck, when that happened, I swear @DangerTits and I had a shared look of mutual "WHAT THE FUCK?"
Danger Tits:
... Then we went back to a mutual look and feeling of "FUCK YOU!"

STAB:
... You two are similar. It's weird.
Daddy Issues:
... I disagree. I'm only in love with one of them, so they aren't that similar.
Vagina:
... No, Niffty kind of has a point, although I hate to admit it. It makes some amount of sense though.
Pop My Cherri:
EVERYONE STOP TEXTING IN THIS STUPID CHAT AND LET'S ENJOY OUR TIME AT THIS RESTAURANT!
Harder Daddy:
... Lucifer is fucking pole dancing... HELL YEAH SHORT KING!
Daddy Issues:
... My hopes are dead.
Dick Master:
Fuck you all! Bye!