Hazbin Hotel Group Chat

The Sandwich Place

A/N: I'm really fucking high. I probably won't remember writing this. It'll probably be weird... Weirder than this story already is.
Update: I wrote some of this while high... I passed out and didn't finish it until later. LMAO

Screen Queen:
THAT'S IT! I CAN'T HIDE IT ANYMORE! I'M GONNA CONFESS MY ONE TRUE LOVE!
Lilith:
... GOSSIP!
Whiskers:
Why the fuck are you all like this?
Big Ass Forehead:
No one loves you bitch, so it's one sided.
Screen Queen:
@DangerTits
Daddy Issues:
... WHOA! I DIDN'T EXPECT THAT!
Screen Queen:
I SENT THAT TOO EARLY! My one true love is the fucking recipe for lemon cake that she sent me.
Vagina:
That's pure bullshit. No fucking way. Stop trying to cover shit up.
Danger Tits:
... I'm just concerned.
Pop My Cherri:
HA! I FUCKING CALLED IT!
Screen Queen:
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Lilith:
That really explains the jealousy that one night...
Screen Queen:
I WAS NOT JEALOUS!
Danger Tits:
... You were. You can't deny it.
Short King:
CONGRATULATIONS!
Mouth:
You're all being idiots.
Dick Master:
You just called the King of Hell an idiot... AND I AGREE! FUCK YEAH BITCH!
Pear:
... Shut the fuck up.
Harder Daddy:
I HAD A WILD FUCKING OUTING! First, I saw a pussy. Not a purring pussy, a pussy pussy. Then, the bitch with the pussy pussy called her boyfriend "Hubby boo-boo". WHAT THE FUCK!
Two Dicks:
What the fuck are you on?
God:
AND CAN I GET SOME?
Mouth:
DID THE LORD HIMSELF JUST ASK FOR DRUGS?
God:
Yes I did. Now, CAN I GET SOME?
Harder Daddy:
Sure. I'll send you my dealer.
Daddy Issues:
... But, what about your progress and redemption?
God:
... He can come here if he wants.
Vagina:
Yeah... I think that whole thing with... Heaven Vs. Hell is kind of over now.
Dick Master:
NO! FUCK YOU ALL!
Short King:
Shut up. Damn. No one asked.
Squeak:
I'm bored.
Kayden:
Let's go out!
Squeak:
OK... Where?
Whiskers:
That really good sandwich place.
Danger Tits:
The place that absolutely no one touches, even during exterminations? Is it really that good?
Vagina:
I will fucking drag you there by your remaining arm. Yes, it's that fucking good.
Kayden:
LET'S GO!
Screen Queen:
... We're all going? We are going to piss them off.
STAB:
Good... CHAOS!
Short King:
@DickMaster wanna come? I'll invite Eve. Oh wait... SHE DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU! HA FUCKER!
Lilith:
LMAO, imagine all four of us sitting at a table. It would be extremely awkward.
Danger Tits:
I will fucking pay to see that. I'm bringing him.
Dick Master:
SHE'S DRAGGING ME BY MY EAR!
Screen Queen:
@Carfight you and your... "FRIEND"... should join us.
Carfight:
No.
Vagina:
Are you seriously passing up the best sandwich place to ever exist?
Carfight:
If it means I can avoid a certain someone screaming about how Zestial and I are together, then yes.
Whiskers:
Fair enough. Last time, it pushed her to drink.
Freaky Face:
Rosie is meeting us there.
Daddy Issues:
... She's a cannibal.
Harder Daddy:
The sandwich place has cannibal options. It's literally on the edge of Cannibal Town. Have you never realized that?
Daddy Issues:
... No, and I never look at the menu. I always get the same thing.
Pear:
BASIC BITCH!
Big Ass Forehead:
I'm coming too.
STAB:
... MORE CHAOS! YAY!
Kayden:
... I regret suggesting going out.
Whiskers:
Yeah. Any time you say something like that, it automatically means everyone is going to go.
Pop My Cherri:
Why the actual fuck are you starting to march there? This isn't a fucking marching band.
Harder Daddy:
NOPE! IT'S FUCKING WAR BITCH!
Danger Tits:
... It would look better if you all were actually in unison. You look dumb as fuck.
Mouth:
... And I'd appreciate if someone would STOP STOMPING ON MY FUCKING FOOT!
Big Ass Forehead:
No. Suck it up.
Dick Master:
GOD DAMN IT! SHE'S ACTUALLY HERE!
Pear:
That's what Eve looks like?
Vagina:
... I have never seen Adam look so pissed... ARE YOU GUYS FUCKING TYING HIM TO A CHAIR?
Lilith:
Yes, we are.
Kayden:
Where's the cannibal lady?
Freaky Face:
On her way... She had to deal with fucking Susan.
Daddy Issues:
... The poor employees look so confused... Some of them look terrified.
STAB:
I'M IN THE KITCHEN!
Harder Daddy:
NIFFTY NO!
STAB:
NIFFTY YES!
Lilith:
... WE FUCKING MADE HIM CRY! LMAO
God:
... I assume you mean Adam? What a little bitch. Also, have him bring me back a sandwich.
Kayden:
SHE'S HERE!
Squeak:
... That's the cannibal lady? She looks nice.
Squeak:
... I just realized how much Heaven's propaganda about Hell has been drilled into my brain. Sorry.
God:
Damn... I'm blaming Sera for that.
Harder Daddy:
... Before anyone says anything... Yes, this sandwich is shaped like a dick. No, it doesn't taste like dick.
Whiskers:
I wouldn't expect it to.
Two Dicks:
... Why do the cannibal options actually look good?
Pop My Cherri:
I want to judge you for saying that, but they fucking do.
Big Ass Forehead:
SOMEONE MAKE THIS BITCH STOP TRYING TO SMASH MY SCREEN!
Danger Tits:
The fact that you think I'm actually trying is insulting. What I'm trying to do is piss you off, and I'm clearly succeeding.
Screen Queen:
... You also almost succeeded at stabbing me.
STAB:
DID SOMEONE SAY STAB?
Daddy Issues:
What in the actual fuck is my dad doing?
Lilith:
... Cutting his sandwich to look like a duck.
Mouth:
I have a question. I've heard rumors that Eve is the Root of all Evil, or is possessed or some shit by that. So... Are we in danger?
Pear:
They're just rumors. Pretty sure we're fine.
Freaky Face:
... Ask her yourself. She's right next to you.
Kayden:
... She's also looking over your shoulder at the text you just sent.
Mouth:
I've never prayed in my life but... GOD! HAVE MERCY ON MY FUCKING SOUL!
God:
Noted. I mean, you're kind of already in Hell, but... I'll still keep that in mind.
Freaky Face:
You should've just asked her yourself.
Mouth:
WHAT THE FUCK WAS I SUPPOSED TO SAY? "Hey. I've heard rumors that you and Roo are the same or some shit. Is it true?" THAT'S FUCKING AWKWARD!
(Eve has joined the chat)
Eve:
I think you worded that just fine.
Mouth:
FUCK!
Pear:
I'm starting to feel like we're all screwed.
Two Dicks:
No. We're still in the protected sandwich place. We're fine.
Mouth:
@BigAssForehead We should switch spots.
Eve:
No. You stay.
Harder Daddy:
... Oh shit.
Eve:
What? I don't want to sit next to... Him.
Big Ass Forehead:
FUCK YOU!
Mouth:
Yeah, fair enough.
(Eve has left the chat)
Squeak:
Is someone going to explain how she got in?
Danger Tits:
... Adam got in here too a while ago. Still not sure how... Then, he just had to fucking invite me.
Vagina:
I won't lie... I'm kind of glad that happened. I like seeing him suffer.
Screen Queen:
This chat has become my main source of entertainment.
Kayden:
There's smoke in the building.
Harder Daddy:
DAMN IT NIFFTY!
STAB:
YAY! THE KITCHEN IS ON FIRE!
Pop My Cherri:
Well... Someone did it. Someone fucked with the sandwich place.
Short King:
Let's evacuate... Don't worry about untying Adam. He'll be fine.
Freaky Face:
Good plan.