SERAPHIC

SCARS

Seokjin was rotting in his bed. He was stuck somewhere in abyss of his mind, trying to claw his way out only to fall short and try aging next day.

The sun would rose kissing the sky and melt in its embrace and followed by moon and sapphire dancing few nights. The circle will begin and end only to begin again. Seokjin would look at Namjoon feeling the man begging on closed door of his heart. He wants to reach, believe him, he wants nothing to reach to his husband and to be safe again. But why can't he bring himself to do that? Why can't he move on? Why can't he love his life. ?.
Believe him? He was trying. His mind was not a nice place to be stuck in? It was horrible.

But can he spend his all life like this?
Milking the one night to sour his entire life? Was it all seokjin worth it?
Was he that pathetic, to gave all his life away? Just for what? Taejin died an easy death. He left seokjin with scars that can't be seen. He was poking his own wounds with dagger.

Seokjin woke up in cold sweat. He looked at Namjoon who was sleeping besides him. Seokjin felt pity for Namjoon. Just pity. It was an ugly emotion like swallowing his own vomit.

Seokjin steadily got up and left the room, the bedroom was suffocating him. He heard the thunder, sending shivers down to his spine. His feet took him to his studio. Somehow he wants to be closer to the light, leaving the dark behind him.

Opening the door he saw the mess, canvas lying scattered. Pots of paints on the Floor, brushes. His books eating dust in the corner. Nobody was allowed here, that was the rules except seokjin. He was most vulnerable here, and he didn't like people to even peek inside his world. He rolled his sleeves, tied his hair in a bun and start cleaning.

One hour later, he was done. His fingers drenched in paint. Yellow, magenta, scarlet. It was beautiful. He moped the floor, his books were now on the shelf clean. He oiled all the lanterns and at last opened all the windows meeting with cold air and thunders. The raindrops falling on his face. A beautiful smile spread on his face as he opened his arms and laid on the wooden floor of the lanai. At the moment, the sky roared. He felt as the sky welcomed him back in his embrace. He was back home...

When the rain turned into drizzle, seokjin tip toed to his bedroom again.
Namjoon was still fast asleep. Seokjin went to the bathroom and for first time in days he took a proper bath. He washed his hair, letting them flowing like water. The warm water soothed his body. He took his time to cherish himself applying the body oils. When he looked at himself in the mirror, he held his gaze. That was him, Kim Seokjin in all his glory.

He refused to surrender to darkness. He was a lover and a rebel. He will prove that. He knows it won't be easy. But seokjin was worth everything in this universe.

Seokjin sat at the edge of bed, his eyes observing his husband. His safe place. His home, his world, his peace.
His life. His everything.

Seokjin slowly adjusted himself in the small space as he rested his head against Namjoon's chest. His arms surrounding the man waist and sleep quickly came to him. He didn't notice when namjoon's tears hit the pillow and he held seokjin in his embrace.

••

Namjoon didn't let go of seokjin next morning, he was threading his fingers in seokjin's hair.  He was scared to break the moment.

" I think I will see the mind healer" Seokjin said, drawing circles with his fingers.

"If you don't want to go outside, we can bring her here" Namjoon said, knowing very well seokjin wouldn't be comfortable.

" No, I'll go"  Seokjin said and sit up straight. Namjoon missed the man in his arms.

" It's my own battle, you can't fight it on behalf of me" Seokjin said.

"I wish I could" Namjoon said and seokjin gave him a small smile.

" You're so brave, love. The bravest person i've ever known " Namjoon said.  Seokjin couldn't meet the man's eyes. 

There was a knock on the door.
" Our breakfast is here" Seokjin stood up,  seokjin  didn't saw the tears Namjoon wiped hastily.

Seokjin took a deep breath as he stood outside the door.  He was here, alone.
As per his decisions.   He rubbed his palm together trying to collect himself. He knew he was going to jump in the void, he ignored all his life. He knocked on the door, greeted by a soft " Come in".

" It's nice to see you, seokjin-shi. I was waiting for you.  I am Min Hee" She bowed.  She was in his late twenties.  She was graced with sharp features. She looked at seokjin and Seokjin felt vulnerable. She was staring at his soul, but gave him a smile putting him at ease.

Namjoon was at home today, waiting for his husband. He wanted to go with seokjin but seokjin declined. Goodness gracious, Namjoon was a weak man. He wants to do on his own.
Seokjin was a synonyum  for stubborn. But then there isn't anything Namjoon  wouldn't do for him.  A few months ago, if someone told him that he would fall in love with a omega, he would roll his eyes and scoff at the statement. Alas, here he was. Seokjin stirred feelings in him
he  didn't knew he was capable of.  Seokjin was his, heart and soul. His heart, his life, his moon.

Seokjin buried his face in his knees as he sat in palanquin. God, what a mess he was. But for the first time. He felt lighter, he could breathe easily now. 
He will heal himself and he will love himself. He was going to build a foundation for himself. He was going to live despite anything and everything. Seokjin was a moon and he would always be a moon. Determination filled his being. 

••••

Kim juan screamed  looking at the head, the servants hastily covered it up. She patted his chest trying to breathe.

The head of yoonmirae was presented to her on silver plate. 

" Who? " She asked.

" WHO? " She screamed at the top of her lungs, who was capable of such cruelty. She was a child and her entire family was slaughtered. 

" Who did this"  A bile  rose in her stomach. She won't be able to eat for days.

"Nobody knows, there wasn't a trace left behind. My lady" Someone  told her.

"General Kim" She whispered more to herself. It made sense. Yes, it was him. A chill went through her, that means he was coming for her. No, he can't, he won't. After all, she was the mother of prime minister, ex prime minister's wife. She held a position in lunar.  Yoonmirae was a peasant, she was Kim juan, he wouldn't dare, he wouldn't dare. He would not----

" Where is joon" Seokjin asked first thing, " In his study, my lor--"  He didn't wait for her to complete the sentence.

Namjoon was on his feet when he heard the footsteps approaching the door and next moment, seokjin was sliding the door open and throwing himself in Namjoon's embrace.

They both laid there on the floor, Namjoon heard seokjin's breathe soften and the hold get loosen. Seokjin was fast asleep. Namjoon didn't move from his place, he undid seokjin's hair, combing them with his fingers.

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A/n : I  am doing better... . .