With You

Chapter 34

The pregnancy and birth had not at all been what Celebelen was expecting. But the moment her son was put into her arms, she was possessed by a love of her baby deeper than any feeling she had ever known before. He was perfect and precious, and the most beautiful thing she had ever seen in her life. He was her tiny little leaf, and all she could think of was caring for him with all her soul. A fierceness that had not been there before began to appear in her heart. It was like she had blinders on to the rest of the world, and all that mattered was her baby. It filled her full of anxiety trying to constantly anticipate his every need, trying to remember all that she had read in all of the parenting books she had read in the year she had been pregnant.

She knew that the lack of sleep was getting to her when her anxieties began to spiral out of control. Thoughts of inadequacies plagued her each time Legolas whimpered. It only vaguely registered in her mind that Thranduil was with them a fair amount of time. Though his presence somehow felt blurred into the background of her focus.

Then later, after she had some sleep and received comfort from her husband, she decided she wanted to try to set aside time to meditate each day, to help her bring herself back to reality. In the old journals by elven queens her mother had brought her before their wedding had recommended this to restore her mind after birth. She realized that by denying herself her needs and focusing only on her son's, she was indirectly depriving him of her best self. She had also reasoned with herself about letting her husband participate in being a parent with her. It surprised her as she began watching him fall into his role as a father, as this was the first time their focus had not been on each other. It let her notice a lot of the things he allowed to happen between them that he was loathe to share with anyone else. He had become even more private now as they raised Legolas.

As they began to grow as parents together, she noticed more clearly than ever why others had found Thranduil cold and unapproachable before. He was strict with the captains that reported to him outside the nursery. It was startling to realize how sweet and kind he was with her and their child, but downright frosty with anyone else. Thranduil began insisting on taking days where they would walk among the trees together in the sunlight. It warmed her heart when Legolas's tiny hands reached for the leaves surrounding them. It brought her much joy to grab a flower to open and close it for him while his father held him during parts of their walks together. Legolas's smile and giggle brought tears of joy to her eyes.

She was now insisting on being more present on the running of the kingdom now that she had given birth and was on the mend. Attending council meetings with Legolas resting his tiny head on her shoulder, she eventually had them all inform her of the mounting conflict with orc packs coming down from the mountains. They reported to her that they had tracked them all to a stronghold in the far north of the Misty Mountains, one called Gundabad. She wondered if this was the beginning stages for a new war.

Thranduil ordered the guard to focus their efforts of guarding their boarders closer to the stronghold. He assured her that this is where most of the skirmishes that had occurred near their boarders were fought. Many had reported that the Nazgul often had been seen entering Gundabad on fell beasts and that complicated matters. It disquieted her to know that he already had recognized a pattern in the orcs behavior. She wondered if they had a specific purpose in mind when they attacked. It didn't surprise her that he wanted to wait for an opening before launching an offensive strike at their stronghold. It was understandable how unwilling he was to have their forces leave their boarders, even if it irritated him deeply to let the orcs continue making trouble.

Soon, Legolas began to learn to speak. Celebelen had to admit that hearing his little noises turn into real intelligible words brought her so much joy. Her son's smile when he realized he had pronounced a word correctly made her so happy that she could not help giggling in response. He learned quickly, turning words into phrases, then phrases into complete sentences. Thranduil always smiled when he joined them to find them talking to each other in soft tones. Soon enough, he was able to speak to them fluently which pleased her deeply. Now he could tell her all of his thoughts and ask her questions that she was all too eager to answer.