~Mental pain~ Matt Sturniolo

𝟐𝟎. The comeback

Matt is in deep fuckin shit.😇
Damn that's for the first time.

The comeback of our worst enemy, ✨depression..✨

T.W. mention of self harm, mention of suicide, depression, eating disorder, PTSD, therapy, mention of psych ward, fourth wall break, apologizing, short chapter.
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The last few days have been hard for Matt. He's suddenly unable to find any sort of motivation and his thoughts are uncontrollably getting darker. He's exhausted from doing absolutely nothing except laying in bed. His mind drains him, tortures him till he's asleep. And sometimes even in his sleep. Sometimes he gets tormented by dreams, awfully cruel dreams.

Like his brother's leaving him alone, visiting his own funeral where no one showed up, his wrists being cut to the bone and dying, Nick and Chris being killed or dead, getting chased by a bleeding version of himself, lighting himself accidentally on fire when he's doing self harm with a lighter. Things like that.

Then he'd wake up screaming, crying and hyperventilating. Chris and Nick would already be in the room then. He'd get immediately surrounded by hugs and comforting words. Sometimes he flinched away from them and sometimes he'd hug them so tight he takes oxygen away from the other.

Sometimes he can't sleep for days. Not even a single minute. And then he'd fall asleep for days without waking up. He can one morning look at food and find it so unappetizing he doesn't eat it. He tells Nick and Chris that he's not hungry then, and most of the time that's true. But the next morning he can wake up and binge eat until he throws up.

He can wake up one morning and find the desire to watch something he watched during his childhood, in the hope that it'll make him finally happy. Sometimes he doesn't know why he's still in this world. He'd cry then. Sob until he falls asleep. And his brothers would hold him, telling him he means so much to them, begging him not to think like that. Matt would let heartbreaking sobs escape his mouth and he'd ask what was wrong with him. He'd beg for Chris and Nick to let him kill himself. He would pray to god and ask to be taken in his sleep.
He'd then fall asleep in his brother's arms who would wipe his tears and kiss him on the head.

And after that they wipe each other's tears.
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Chris and Nick are sitting at the kitchen table while Matt is asleep in his room. Today was one of those days where Matt doesn't have energy to do a single thing. They left Matt a few hours ago, when he fell asleep in Nick's arms while he sobbed. He was sobbing so loud Nick and Chris were sure the whole neighborhood could hear it. They were almost screams. Nick and Chris couldn't help Matt with his panic attack. So Nick just held him until he sobbed himself to sleep.
It has been going on like this for almost three weeks. Chris and Nick are sitting behind Nick's laptop, on the screen is a website to sign in for therapy.

"Nick, at this point we could better call a mental hospital." Chris says bluntly, his eyes filled with exhaustion.

Nick looks at him like Chris just told him he killed someone. The author would too, to be honest. His jaw is dropped and his eyes are on Chris's. "Are you kidding? You want to send our brother to a fucking mental hospital?" Chris sighs in defeat. "I don't see another option, Nick." Nick's eyes widen even further.

"Chris. One, we told him- we promised him we wouldn't send him to a psych ward. Two, he just needs some help, we can get through this. I am not sending my baby brother to a mental fucking hospital. The fact that you brought that up blows my mind. We can find a therapist for him, and we'll help him through this.
I will, actually. I will do that. And if you want to be a good triplet brother I suggest you do the same." Nick hasn't blinked once when saying those words. He looks Chris in the eyes, glaring at him. Waiting for an answer.

"Sorry.." Chris says softly, guilt evident in his voice. "I will." He looks back at Nick, who's gaze immediately softens. He stands up and pulls Chris in a deep hug. "Sorry for yelling." He says. Chris hugs Nick back tightly. "It's okay, that was stupid. I shouldn't have said that." Nick smiles. "It's okay."
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Matt wakes up with a throbbing headache. The last thing he remembers is crying in Nick's arms. Fuck, he remembers Nick was crying too. He ignores the headache and quickly stands up out of his bed. He walks to the door and makes his way to the kitchen, since that's probably where Nick and Chris are.

When he walks in he sees his brother's sitting in front of a laptop. They look destroyed and tired. Matt's heart drops to his feet at the sight. Hundreds of thoughts spin through his mind. negative thoughts.

"Nicky.." his voice breaks and you can hear the tears in his throat. Nick and Chris instantly look up to him with big eyes.

Nick stands up from his chair and carefully but quickly walks up to Matt.

"I'm so sorry.." Matt lets a tear escape his eyes before Nick pulls him in for a hug. "It's okay," Nick soothes while rubbing Matt's back. Matt buries his head into Nick's shoulder while he lets tears stream down his face. "I'm so sorry Nicky.." his exhausted voice brings out. "Shh, it's okay. It's always okay." Nick soothes and gently runs his fingers through Matt's hair.

"No- no it's not okay. I'll get better I'm sorry I'll be better I don't want to make you cry, I'm so sorry."

Nick just shushes Matt and holds him even tighter. "We'll get through this." Nick whispers. "Together." He smiles through his tears.

Matt nods. They're going to be okay. They have to.