KID IN LOVE － 𝔣𝔞𝔫𝔡𝔬𝔪 𝔦𝔪𝔞𝔤𝔦𝔫𝔢𝔰

charlie gillespie | not yours

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o. If only you had realised your feelings sooner, then maybe it could've been you.

warnings: angst, unrequited love, crying, sad reader

❤️

You knew it was too late. You knew you should have tried sooner, but your inner thoughts and worries of whether or not Charlie would return the feelings you felt had kept you back. Why didn’t you confess? 

You felt like your heart had internally shattered in your chest, and you couldn’t stop the tears from falling down the sides of your cheeks, after he had stormed into your shared home saying how he had met the love of his life. Telling himself that his current lover would be the one. Someone you could only ever dream of being.

It only began to hurt even further when it was a few months later, and the brown-haired boy was now announcing his engagement to the lucky person he liked to call his partner. 

Maybe it was your own fault, allowing these feelings to bubble up inside you, refusing to acknowledge that they were even there until it was far too late. Because now as you stood out here, arms rested across the railing out the front of the venue, in a simple outfit with tear stained cheeks. You tried to suppress the sobs that threatened to exit your system. 

Millions of ‘What If’s’ flew through your mind, trying to imagine tons of other scenarios which didn’t end in breaking your own heart. Did you even want to enter the building? Watch as what you believed was your unrequited crush. Stand at the end of the aisle inside. Waiting, your heart aching, as you listen to hear Charlie confess his vows towards another. 

To watch another, walk down that aisle, one of the biggest smiles adorning their face as they were to be handed off and wedded to the boy soon after. 

Yet, you knew you were also his best friend, and he was kind of expecting you to be there on his special day. To be happy for him as he entered the next chapter of his life, with someone that was not you.

You wanted to scream, you wanted to run away from your problems and never look back. You wanted what he had with them, but with you instead. You wanted to know why, why couldn't it be you. 

They were everything you knew you couldn’t be. They were more attractive, at least you thought so. Of course, Charlie would choose them over you. You weren’t anything special at all. Why were you expecting everything to be alright or to go your way? It was your fault. You just had to fall in love with your best friend and roommate. 

“Y/n? Are you coming inside?” The sudden voice knocked you out from your thoughts, your hands quickly wiping at the stray tears left over from your crying fest. 

You plastered a smile across your face as you turned around to meet the worried look of Owen Joyner, another one of your best friends. One of the only other people who knew about your crush. “It’s starting soon…are you gonna be okay?” 

You nodded, faintly hiding a sniffle that had slipped out. You didn’t want him to worry about you. You didn’t want anyone to. You didn’t want these feelings. You wanted everything to return back to how it was before, back to when you hadn’t developed feelings or fallen quite quickly for Charlie Gillespie. 

You hated yourself for allowing yourself to become subject to what you felt was one of the worst heart breaks you’d ever experienced before. You supposed you had it coming. It was expected to be feeling like this. 

You thought that friends to lovers only ever worked out in the media, and even if your feelings were to be required. You knew there was a high chance that it would only make your friendship awkward when you inevitably broke up, eventually. 

“I'll ... .come in soon. Just go on ahead.” Voice cracking slightly, you watched as he allowed another shorter look of worry flash across his features. 

He turned around then, taking a step and heading into the wedding venue himself, following after the other guests. You allowed a small sigh to slip out and turned back around to look out over the scenery before you. 

You needed to mentally prepare yourself if you were to step inside that building and watch the wedding play out. Slowly, you took a deep breath and walked closer to the entrance. 

Yet, as you were about to enter through the door to join the other guests. You stopped, hand carefully shaking when the tears suddenly began to form again. You can’t do this, you can’t go in, sit there with the other guests attending and pretend like everything is ok. 

Pretend like everything is completely fine when it’s really not. You can’t bring yourself to watch as your best friend and crush gets married to another person, when all you can think of is how you want that to be you. How you want to be the one that is walking down that aisle and that you wished you had told him sooner. 

I’m so sorry, Charlie. How am i meant to be happy for you, when all i want is to be in their position was the last thing you remember thinking, as you quickly spun on your heel and rushed  down the stairs that lead to the venue, and back towards your parked car. 

Unaware of the certain pair of eyes that had spotted you leaving the scene with tear-filled eyes after having come to investigate. A confused, yet concerned expression appearing over his features.