Anidita : The Flaming Flambeau

CHAPTER 6 : Part 4

Rudhira's p.o.v

The second letter from London has arrived. Stephanie can be very convincing if she is determined. And right now, she's determined to get me settled in London. She's found me a house and a clerk position in the company she works in. All I have to do is wait for the ticket that is to arrive in a month, get on the ship with Maa and leave this wretched country for the better. 

But... Last few months have been... tolerable and I might even say pleasurable. The Roy Chowdharys have this exceptional ability to bind you to them. Once affiliated to their affection, you will find yourself clinging onto them like your life is destined to be with them and you won't ever, ever want to turn away and let go – exactly the situation I find myself in.

"Ahem-" Batuk cleared his throat for the nth time.

I ignored him for the nth time too. I'm not naïve or dumb. I know what is happening between us. And as much as I would want it to blossom, I won't let it. It is true that I'm getting too accustomed to the Roy Chowdharys, not particularly to my liking. And it may have to do something with the guy trying to grab my attention right now. Well, fine! Most of it has to do with the guy whose trying to grab my attention right now. But I'm not happy with the way things are turning out. Like the day before yesterday when I introduced myself as 'Rudhira Roy Chowdhary' to the drunkard wreaking havoc in the market and went as far as to calling myself 'choti malkin' to make him finally shut his trap of a mouth.

What made me all the more angry was the fact that the words rolled out of my tongue so naturally and voluntarily that it took me a full ten minutes to realise what I have actually said. I knew then and there that I have had enough.

"Rudhi woh- woh takiya pass karna" he tried again. I threw it over without a glance at him. I can see him frowning from the corner of my eye.

So why am I resisting it? Good question. Because I don't want to stay in this wretched country for even a day anymore. Now that Maa is out of that hell, it won't be long before Indrajit comes in bombarding into the haveli. In fact, I wonder why he isn't here already. Dada must be the reason. He is good at keeping the devil at bay. But not for long, I know that. While I trust Maa's safety in the haveli, I'm not totally convinced that KSJ is happy with her stay here. If not for the young Roy Chowdharys, I'm sure he would have handed over Maa to Baba without a second thought. He is a good man – I have no doubt in that. He's given me all the love I couldn't and would never get from my birth father. But his vision and thoughts are clouded by the outdated beliefs and superstitions that can never be fully wiped out of his system. While he keeps himself at check around Anirudh dada, he never shies away from asserting his beliefs and his identity as the 'saamskritic brahman' he is.

He speaks, walks and breathes sanskaar. There's no turning back.

And Sasur Ji is too selfish to intervene – despite his love for Da. The others would lay their life for Maa's safety, I know. But I refuse to be selfish and put them at risk – put Maa at risk.

And its not just Maa that is the reason. It's me too. I'm selfish enough to let my dreams finally come true. London has been my childhood dream – the only ray of hope that helped me pass the days in that hellhole. I have had enough of this country's scorn and hypocrisy to believe in it anymore. If you're a woman, you're doomed for a life of torment and compromise. Something that the eldest Roy Chowdhary couple is trying to change but change is not imminent. It takes time. And I don't wish to stand by and see it happen – it won't happen when I'm alive anyway. They might ignite a spark and that spark might be carried on to the next generations. But I'm not staying back to be a part of it and watch – no more horrors and miseries.