Saving Tyler

THIRTY-NINE

Tyler
1 Month Later...
Arizona

Today has been a month since Brianna's passing, and the day has come... I would have never thought I would see this day come so quickly. Thought I would see it once we got to age 80. But it's here. It came.

Today is her funeral.

And I was asked to write a speech for her.

I have no idea why they would ask me to write a speech for her. Her parents should've told her brother to do one, but they insisted I do one instead. Which I wrote just a couple days ago.

The past month, I had been crying over her death. Wishing that it was me who took the bullet instead of her. Wishing that it was me who died.

I still am crying over her death. I just had gotten the courage to write a stupid speech for her.

Alec and I were sharing a room together in a motel room, since her parents decided to have the funeral back at their home. Arizona. And Josh was in another motel room by himself.

I walk over to the mirror in the bathroom, looking at myself. I was wearing a black dress, had my hair curled, and had few make-up, knowing that I'm going to bawl my eyes out during the ceremony. I wore high heels as well. I stare at myself for a moment, then I saw her in myself. I close my eyes, shaking my head.

Why did you have to go so soon?

I heard Alec walk into the bathroom. I turn my head and looked at him. He was wearing all black: black dress pants, black dress shirt, black dress shoes, and a black tie. His hair was messy, like he was too lazy to do it. He too had cried over Brianna's death, just not as long as I am.

He rubs his eye with the back of his hand, sniffing, "Ready to go?" he asks, his voice soft.

I tighten my jaw and nodded. He turns around and starts walking away. I take one last look at myself before exiting the bathroom. I grabbed the paper I wrote my speech on from the bed, folded it, then walked out of the room. 

You're gonna have to do that on your own from now on.

I blink, trying to keep the tears from falling.

I had gotten out of the motel room, Alec waiting for me on the porch patiently. He grabs onto the door once I was out and locked it. We walk down the stairs, and when I turned around, I spot Josh leaning on Alec's car, he too was wearing all black. Like always.

When Alec and I were close to the car, Alec unlocks the car. Josh got in the back and I took the passenger seat. Alec climbs in the driver's seat, and puts his keys in the ignition.

The drive to the funeral was silent. I didn't really want to speak, especially on this day. I just stared out the window, my elbow on the windowsill, my chin in my palm and watching cars pass by as we drive to the church.

Her laugh voiced in my head, "The possibilities are endless!"

I close my eyes, then rest my cheek on my arm.

It seems like yesterday that she first saw me in the playground alone. I remember all of our moments like they were tattooed in my mind. The day where she gave me her lunch, which was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich; the day where she and I were riding around in bicycles around the playground; just everything. And I want to go back to those days, just to bring her back.

We had arrived at the church ten minutes later, and it was packed. Her parents must've invited the whole family and her high school friends. At the entrance, I spot my mother, who had her hand over her eyes to block the sunlight, and was looking in the parking lot.