Ocean Of Need

❤️ 67 🩶 Ghosts

Hey Wild Ones,
This is part of the newly edited version of Ocean. If you've already been reading and have been notified of a new chapter, it may be a good idea to go back a few chapters and check where you are!
If you've been reading since the new edition has been uploaded then you're ok to carry on!
With Love Always,
Violet.
💜🩶🖤
✨💫🌙
——-

12th June

'I want to be in the cage of you,' I grin.

He grins back, then wraps me in his arms and says, 'I know you do baby, but right now what you need is care and sleep.' He picks me up gently and carries me into his bedroom, flicking the light switch on as he walks through the door.

The bedroom is small and cosy and most of the space is taken up by a big wooden bed. The headboard made of wire fret work, the mattress covered with a big patchwork blanket. He lays me gently on the bed then treads softly to the bathroom. I hear the taps running then he comes back and says, 'I need to grab some things from the pick up.'

He must move like lightening because he's back within what feels like seconds, holding two large holdalls. One black and one tan. He dumps them both to the ground. I recognise the black bag from the room, the other one looks familiar.

'Mac, is that my bag?'

'I picked it up from Freya's place. I hope I got all your stuff. I grabbed as much as I could. You didn't have much, but I got your passport, that's the most important thing. And your notebooks and papers from your bedside table.'

'When?'

'Before I came to the club.'

'But why? And how did you know I was at the club?'

'Tom called me. Told me you were there.'

'Tom?'

'The bar man from Jamie's place. I asked him to keep an eye out for you. He saw you leave the bar with those guys. Overheard you telling them you were going to Unleashed.'

'But why did you pick my stuff up and how did you get in?'

'I got wind that some big shot was in town. Then I heard that Freya had been moving money and people around all day. I guessed it was all connected, that things were about to kick off. That this would be a good time for you to run. So I broke into her house, grabbed your stuff and went straight to the club.'

'Wow, that was fast work,' I say getting off the bed. 'You thought of everything.'

'I've done nothing but think of you since I met you. Then when you told me who your Father was everything made sense. Freya's been increasing her operations over the last three months. Getting rid of anyone who could potentially be seen as trouble. It's like she's had a new lease of life. Like she's been trying to make her business more attractive. Like she's looking for a partner.'

'Jesus Mac. I never saw any of this coming.'

'This is not your environment so you couldn't judge it. I'm on the inside of her circle that's how I saw the changes. Sensed something big was coming.'

'The vultures were circling. That's how you knew.'

'Yes,' he says. 'I needed you to know that I would always be watching out for you. That's why the games we played in the room were all about letting you know that our tether is strong. Even in the eye of the storm.'

He steps towards me taking my hand and leading me to the bathroom. I strip off my dirty clothes and climb into the bath. Dropping his clothes to the floor he climbs in behind me, and sits with his chest to my back, his legs each side of me.

Pulling me to him he says, 'I'm curious Lilah, even with all the games we played and everything we promised, you still ran from me. Was there something more I could have done? Why didn't you wait for me to come back and then talk to me?'

I drop my head backwards onto his chest. 'I alway run. My family taught me that it's better to cut your losses.'

'Why did you run so far from your Father?'

'He had an idea of who I should be. I couldn't be that kind of daughter. So I left.'

'Just like that?'

'No,' I say softly. 'Not just like that. I spent years trying to be who he wanted me to be. I tried to make myself smaller so that he would ignore me, but he sought me out and ridiculed me. I tried to make myself bigger so he wouldn't fuck with me, and he looked straight through me. I became invisible - even to myself.

I was never quiet enough, loud enough, strong enough, humble enough, pushy enough. Living that life I wasn't enough. Not enough for him. Not enough for anyone. Not even enough for me.

I gave up on trying to impress him and then somehow I found art. I'd carry a sketch book in my bag - all the time. I'd draw everything. On trains, beside the estuary, in bars. I'd go to galleries and museums and spend the day there. I found my home in those places. My real home. Then one day a guy looked over my shoulder as I was drawing and he said, "You know, you could really be something. You should study art. You have talent." I guess I just needed one person to flip the switch and make me believe in myself. After that I bought paints and canvases and taught myself how to paint. Eventually I ended up in art school and developed my work into sculpture. It was Jameson that helped me do that.'

His whole body tightens at Jameson's name, but he recovers himself quickly and says, 'You couldn't do that without running away from your family?'

I sigh. 'Do I really need to tell you?'

'I need to understand what I'm dealing with. With your Father I mean.'

He's not going to let this go. I take a massive breath and launch in, 'I taught myself how to paint by taking pictures of works by the grand masters on my phone. I'd go home and copy them onto canvas. Zoom in on every detail on my phone. Even their signatures. I was obsessive about it. It was the only way for me to learn the craft of painting without a teacher.'

'Yes... and then?'

'I came home from a gallery one day and my father was in my room. My room was huge, a set of rooms really. I'm sure you must have researched my family by now - seen the kind of wealth involved. I'd turned one of my rooms into a painting space and hung all my paintings on the walls. They were crammed everywhere. I got back from a gallery one day and found him in my room studying them. I didn't know what to do. He'd never been in my room before and I froze in the doorway watching him. Then he turned and looked at me, like really looked at me, and it was like he saw me. He really saw me. And then he said, "Finally you have a purpose Princess."

'What did he mean by that?'

'Forgery.'

'Fuckkkk,' he growls. 'What an asshole.'

'Yup. That was the sum of my parts to my father. He wanted me to fake for him. That's when I quit copying other people's art. He wanted me to take something beautiful and turn it into something fake - hollow - meaningless. That's when I left. I wanted to create my own art. My own world.'

Mac pulls me onto his lap in the water, turning me towards him. I see pride in his eyes. See him, seeing me, the way he always does. But some sadness washes across his features and the pride crumples.

'What is it?' I ask.

'I'm sorry about your Mum.'

Those five words puncture my lungs. Of course if you'd researched me, you would have found out what happened to my mum too.
——
Hey Wild Ones,
Thank you for reading all this way! Chapter 68 will be published this week. I'm on a writing roll and keen to complete Ocean Of Need.
I do hope you are enjoying this journey. Please remember to vote for this story!

With Love & Other Things,
Violet
❤️🖤🩶💜💔