My Boyfriend is Gay (Larry Stylinson)

~Nine~

LOUIS' POV

I woke up with that huge weight on my chest. Harry was still laying next to me, holding me against his bare self.

'You're a cheater Louis' I kept telling myself. 'She doesn't deserve you'.

Damn right that was all true. But i surely didn't want to lose her. I really needed her.

This 'keeping it a secret' thing felt wrong to me. Why couldn't I say no? Why was it so hard?

I could easily answer to all these questions. My heart knew the answer to them, my mind just didn't want to accept it.

Deep inside of me, I didn't want it to happen. I wanted to live 'a normal life'. I wanted to have a girlfriend, not a boyfriend. These are things you can easily control with your mind. But the heart doesn't see it that way.

The heart just feels without questionning. It just wants to do whatever feels good to itself without asking any question.

The mind is different. It's way more rational and thinks about everything. The mind doesn't want to be judged. It tries to find out what's best for itself, but also what's best for everyone else. It tries to deal with whatever's surrounding.

Harry's the heart. I'm the mind.

This is probably why Harry feels better than me most of the time ; I care too much about people around me. Not only family and friends, but also the outside world.

Even though that's bullshit, I feel like a have a reputation to keep. I need to be seen as the same Louis Tomlinson as the man I want to be.

But honestly, who would like to feel empty? I'm a fuck up.

HARRY'S POV

I woke up but kept my eyes shut. I felt good. Extremely good. I was feeling Louis' body against mine and it was the best feeling ever.

Last night was better than I expected. I didn't know that he was going to give up this easily. I was expecting him to push me away all night long.

That's not what happened. It proved to me that maybe, he feels the same way as I'm feeling everyday. Maybe he's craving for me like I'm craving for him.

Might sound selfish but at the moment, I didn't care about his girlfriend. I usually hate when people cheat but this time, it was all different. I decided that I had to start fighting for myself instead of trying to fight for everyone else.

I realized that people around are not going to make me happy. I'm the only one who has the power to do that.

I felt Louis' eyes on me as I opened mine.

"Hi boobear" I said, holding him tighter against me.

"What did I do?" he softly said, looking away.

"Did you want to do it?" I asked, heartbroken by these words. He regretted it and it killed me.

"That's not the point Harry. I have a girlfriend. She's a lovely girl, I can't play with her that way" he said on a harsh tone.

"Oh really Louis?" I asked, getting upset. "What about me?"

"It's not about you now, it's about her" he said, letting go of me.

"Well that's bullshit" I yelled, standing up. "You don't even care about the way I feel. You're playing with me twice as much as you're doing with her!"

"That's not true Harry just stop to-"

"Don't fucking tell me to stop" I cut him off. "She doesn't even have a clue of what's going on between us, it can't bother her! On the other hand, here I am, deeply in love with you and always waiting for you to make a damn decision on if you want to be with me or not!" I exploded. "And then, we have sex. You're being all sweet and then wake up the next day saying this shit to me? It hurts, it fucking hurts. And you don't even care" I said, out of breath. Hot tears were rushing down my cheeks. That wasn't sadness, it was definitely pain and anger.

"Harry" he softly said. I could tell that he had no idea what to answer to that. He stood up and tried to reach for my hand. I backed up.

"No Louis. I'm done with this. It hurts more than you can think of. You're killing me more and more everyday by doing this and if it doesn't stop, I won't be able to handle much more than this" I honestly said. The pain was truly unbearable and I had no idea how to deal with that.

"I'm sorry. I love you Harry, I really do. I thought you understood when I said that I was not ready to make a decision as big as this one.." he softly said.

"God damn Louis that's not a decision! It's about how you feel, not about how you SHOULD feel! You can't decide of how you're feeling, you can just decide if you follow these feelings or not" I said, pissed off.

He didn't say a word. He knew I was right and his silence told me that he agreed with that.

I though Louis was the strongest, but he's not.