He liked to keep his guard up. He liked to be the strong one on the outside, and keep his feelings hidden. He'd grown up to be the strong one in his family, so he could help as much as possible when his mum and his sisters were hurting. When Mark left, his mum was in pieces, and as much as he wanted to break down and cry with her, he felt he needed to be strong so he could protect her. He wanted her to know that he wasn't the weak one, and he could look after them both. His sisters were heartbroken, and with the amount of tears coming from around him, he just wanted to give up.
When he asked you out, he tried not to show a weaker side to him. Back in the early days of your relationship, when you cried into his shoulder about an exam you failed, he wanted to cry with you. Because all those sleepless nights together where all you drank was coffee and water didn't pay off. He had hopes raised, and he felt your pain. When you got upset with him going to LA for a week without telling you, he didn't want to leave. He didn't want to show that you had that effect on him.
You hated how he'd always have a guard up, even after all the years of being together. It was like he didn't want you to be there when he felt like he needed a hug. You felt unwanted when he'd just walk straight passed you, and into the bedroom.
It was always rare when he asked for a cuddle, but you were always there with open arms. Enveloping him into a warm hug as he vented out his feelings. He'd talk and talk until he felt better, but he never cried or showed any emotion whatsoever. But as much as he bottled it up, the worse it drained him. He'd constantly ask to be left alone, and he'd be too down to eat or speak about anything, and the best thing you could do would be to leave him to himself until he felt usual self again.
It killed you to watch him suffer alone, but sometimes you just had to do it, if it made him happy.
• • • •
'I'm coming home early... Are you home? I forgot my keys.'
You felt confused as you read his text over and over again, your mind wandering. Was he ill? Did something happen? Is he hurt? You worried as you typed back a quick reply.
'I am home, yeah. Is everything okay, love? xxx'
You placed your phone on your lap as you awaited his reply. Your eyes cast on the TV screen playing a re-run of an old The Big Bang Theory episode, but you mind cast to fear and panic and scenarios which could have happened. Instead of receiving a text back, you were greeted by a knock on the door, followed by a jangle of keys. You shot from your position on the sofa and walked to the door, and through the small window at the top of the door, you could just about make out the top of Louis' head.
As you pulled the door open, he lifted his heavy head and looked at you through red-rimmed and bloodshot eyes.
"They cut my song from the album..." He sobbed, as he fell into your arms. His body shook from the sobs and whimpers leaving his mouth as he gripped onto you for dear life. His arms wrapped around your hips in a vice grip, in case you'd be cut from his as well. "It was written for you. I wrote it for you! And they cut it!" He cried, as you rested your head against his, and held him tightly.
"Hey, hey.. They're stupid for not choosing it. I can tell you that now. But, I'll always cherish it. You know I will" You whispered, as your fingers twisted at the hairs at the back of his head. "It's okay, baby. It's okay" You added, as you felt his tears soak at your neck.
"I wanted that to be on there! It had a special meaning and they told me it wasn't good enough!" He cried out, as he lifted his head from your shoulder. "Liam's got chosen! And that's about Sophia!" He hissed, as he turned to the front door and slammed it shut in anger. His throat giving out a loud cry. "It's not fair!" He whimpered, as he slid down the wood and fell to the floor. His knees bent to his chest.
"Louis... It's okay, baby. Your other song got chosen, right? The upbeat and dancey one?" You asked, as he wiped at his eyes and nodded softly. "See! Your writing is wonderful, babe. One of them got chosen! So what if it wasn't the one you wrote for me? I still have you to sing it for me whenever I want" You whispered, as you wiped away at the excess tears on his cheeks.
"Mmm.. 'Suppose so. I just really wanted that one to get heard. It meant a lot to me and to have it cut hurt like hell" He sighed, as you held your hands out and stood above him. "What are you doing?" He wondered, as he took your hands in his hold and hoisted himself up.
"We're going to have a cuddle on the sofa, and we're going to talk and laugh just like you do for me when I'm upset" You smiled, and kissed underneath his jaw. "I love you, Tommo. You'll always be a superstar songwriter to me" You grinned, and squeezed his hands as you pulled him into the living room.
"How'd I get so lucky, huh?"
