My Stepdad's Son

I Just Wanna Be Alone

*Two Days Later*

Andy's P.O.V

"Can you fucking not?" I hissed at myself.

It had been two days and I still couldn't get the thought of Ashley out of my head. I could picture him kissing a slut blond bimbo across a table. I could picture him touching her in the dark.

I could picture millions of situations where they both ended up in bed. I shut my eyes tight. I wasn't going to cry for him. We weren't involved. He didn't like me. I wasn't going to cry for him.

This had become sort of like a routine for me this past two days. I just sat in my bed watching TV and tried to convince myself that I would be just fine. But I wasn't even sure if I would.

Before meeting Ashley I was a smart person. I didn't socialise unless it was completely necessary. I didn't get emotionally involved with anyone because of fear of getting hurt.
You see, I loved my dad. I was invested emotionally in him completely. And I mean how couldn't I be emotionally invested in him, he was my father. But when he died I felt so heart broken, so undone, so dead inside, that I didn't see the point in going through that pain again.

Why? It wasn't necessary. I could live my life in perfect happiness by myself without another person to cry over.

But now that Ashley had appeared in my life I hadn't wasted time and had tried to get so close to him without even thinking about it. I had become stupid. My smarts had gone down the drain.

I had gone and invested myself in him without him investing himself in me. I had gone and dove into it with my eyes closed and my arms open. And the worst part was that he didn't feel the same for me and he was out living his life and I was letting him.

I was just letting him date that chick without telling him how I felt. I was drowning in my own bottled up feelings. It hurts and I don't want it to. I want it to stop.

But I didn't know how to make it stop. I didn't know how to rip him out of my mind. I didn't know how I was going to accept the fact that he was never going to be mine. He wasn't gay and he didn't like me. Us was never going to happen. It just wasn't and I didn't want to believe it.

I opened my eyes to see Crow staring at me with his big innonect eyes. I had been leaving him alone since summer started. Most of my time had been sucked up by Ashley.

My throat went dry at the simple thought of my hopeful journeys with Ash. I had actually hung out with him and my hopes had grown to unbelievable heights. Grown just to be crushed down by a simple sentence.

I picked him up in my arms and hugged him tight. "I'm sorry Crow. Do you wanna go to the pet park?" He blinked at me once and I took it as a yes. "Okay hun, let's go."

I stood up and changed into a hoodie leaving my black sweats on. I didn't feel like putting much effort into my outfit today so after I had my hoodie on I took my keys and phone and we left.

I loved how Crow behaved in the car. He sat in the passanger seat listening to one of my cell phone's playlists, quiet and still like the cute kitten he was. I tried to keep my eyes on the road though, trying to avoid killing my baby.

When we finally arrived at the pet park, I took Crow in my arms and went over to where the other cats played. There was a giant litter box and cat toys scattered on the floor.

As soon as I set Crow down, he took a ball of yarn in his paws and started to play around with it. He laid down on his back and started using his front paws to try and unravel the yarn ball.

I sat next to him on the floor with my legs crossed and stroked the spot beind his ears. He purred gleefully as he started to use his hind legs as well. I smiled down at him.

Ever since I got Crow he had always been there for me. When I missed my dad I would hug Crow and he would help me forget. He would help me fall asleep at night when the thoughts of dad were overwhelming.

When I remembered that day. When I came from school and nobody was home. I remember how my aunt Lydia showed up and she took me to the hospital. Dad had gotten worse and they didn't know if he would pass the night.

We got to the hospital and saw him pale and faded on that goddamn hospital bed. He told mom and I that he loved us and in less than an hour of being there, that heart monitor made that horrible sound.

It beeped without stopping and I remembered seeing mom break down. She cried and pulled at dad's hospital gown. She was completely out of her mind yet I didn't move. I stared blankly at him without moving until a nurse pulled me and my mom out of the room.

I still didn't move though. I stood in the middle of the hospital hallway with silent tears running down my face and my mom hugging the life out of me. Her cries haunted me for days.

I took a deep breath and looked down at Crow, giving him a warm smile. He had been here and he still is. Now with this stupid feeling in my chest, all thanks to Ashley, he was still here.

He looked back at me and stuck his little kitty tongue out. I mirrored his action. I'm so alone.

A/N:
You guys, tomorrow is my first day of school. :( I don't want to go back! The summer was barely getting amazing.

I just wish I could go back to warped tour and stay there for a long while :) but you know, I can't so. :( ugh

Oh well, I will see you all later. :)