My Stepdad's Son

If You Want I'll Keep On Crying

Ashley's P.O.V

Why has he stopped calling me? Is he all right? I know I'm trying not to think of him, but he's my friend and I'm beginning to worry.

His mom hasn't heard anything either. I want to go to his apartment but that would only knock down all my progress. I've been doing so good with Charlotte. I'm trying so hard to convince myself that I love her but now he's not here and I'm not sure what it means.

Maybe I should just call him. When he left me at the park he said he had an appointment. I just hope he's okay.

Today I'm going to see her again. She's hard to like but I have to fall in love with her to get him out of my head. He can't know how I feel. I would die.

And what would dad say? I know he's okay with Andy being gay. He supports him and everything, but it's different with me. I'm his son. I was supposed to be his son, the one thant gave him grandchildren. I was supposed to have a good job and get married with a beautiful woman.

I am his only son. I was supposed to make him proud. And now, it's too late to go to college and I have a lame ass job. I don't have a wife or a girlfriend, much less children, and I'm questioning my sexuality.

I snuggled further into the duvet. It was about one in the afternoon and I was still in bed mulling things over. Dad was worried for me, I knew it. But I didn't want him to know why I was feeling this way. Like I said before, I had already failed in so many things. I didn't want him to know about this too.

There was a knock on the door followed by it slowly opening.

"Ash, can I come in?" Dad asked cautiously. I bit my lip then stopped immediately. It was such a feminine habit. I had to break it.

"Sure." I said from under all the covers. My voice was slightly muffled but he got the message.

Peeking his head into the room, he looked around for me until he noticed the mound on the bed. I heard him sigh before he sat down next to me. I moved away a bit, still keeping my head inside my little duvet cave.

"Hey." He said softly reaching for me.

I removed the duvet so that my face was free and I could look him in the eye. I hope to God that all traces of me crying had been gone by now.

"What's up?" I asked casually as if nothing important was going on.

He gave me the look he used to give me when I was being bad as a child and I knew he knew something was up.

"What's wrong?" I asked, playing dumb. He knew what I was doing as soon as the words left my mouth. He was my dad after all.

"I should be the one asking you that question." He stated. The worry never left his eyes.

I stared blankly back at him. I didn't want to say anything about what I was really feeling so I stayed shit and looked at him with no expression whatsoever. He started to push me, giving me that stern look.

I pulled my eyebrows together. "What?"

He rolled his eyes at me. "Ash, get out of bed. Put on some clothes and go out. Do something. You've been here for a while and don't even know I haven't noticed your act these last couple of days. You haven't been yourself."

Please dad, tell me something I don't know about myself. I know I haven't been myself. I haven't been myself since I left California. Ohio has had a way with my feelings.

"I have a date tonight." I said full of dread. I kept telling myself that I was excited and that I wanted to see this chick. But in all honesty, I knew I would rather go to hell and back.

Dad's expression softened a bit. "Okay, I'm glad. But you don't sound too thrilled about it."

That's because I'm not. "I'm excited." Such a liar. "I really like her." No I don't, she's so stubborn and annoying. "She's interesting." If by interesting I mean drunk, then yes.

Dad cocked his eyebrow. "You're the worst liar ever."

I felt all the blood being drained from me as my stomach fell through the floor. Was I really that transparent? Could people really see through my lies that easily? It was unsettling to think that it was true.

"Really?" I asked, my teenage years flashing across my eyes for a second.

He snorted with a smile. "Yeah, you suck at lying. Why are you going out with this girl if you don't really like her?"

"It's something I have to do."

"You have to?"

I nodded. "Yeah. It's okay, don't worry dad. I am doing this for a good reason. Nobody's getting hurt."

He gave me a weary look. "What's going on?"

"It's all a big confusion dad. It's okay. I'll fix this all. But now I want to get out of bed because I have that date later."

He didn't smile at me as I excepted him to. Instead he knit his eyebrows together and left the room without so much as a nod.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

I borrowed dad's car this time, just to let her know I was all grown up. The other dates we've been on, we've met at the place. I don't know if she drove herself to the dates or hitched a ride every time, but I had been using cabs.

In all honesty I was sick of riding in cabs and I wanted to show her some uh... class? I didn't want her to think I was a bum.

I had been driving around this crummy old neighbourhood for about five minutes now and I still couldn't find her house. She said she lived with one of her friends from high school. 4567 she said the address was.

I turned a corner I had already driven through a couple minutes back, and spotted the peeling blue house. She was sat inside looking out the window.

I honked the horn once and stuck my face out of the car window so she knew it was me. As soon as she saw my face I saw her wink and down she came to open the door.

She snuggled herself in the passanger seat, not caring for the seatbelt. The usual tiny dress hadn't failed to show up. This time it was a sort of mint colored combined with silver pumps to match.

"Hey babe." She said with a wink.

"You look hot Charlotte." I gave her a dazzling smile and let it do all the work.

She melted right under the look of it. I felt proud of myself but at the same time a wave of self hatred hit me right in the face. I was only but playing with her. I did it all the time.

But why did I feel so out of place?

A/N:
Yo hello! Thanks so much for reading my story you guys :) You're such wonderful people. :) lol I hope you're having a wonderful time wherever you are and hopefully people treat you like you deserve, with respect.

I love you all and I want you to remember I'm always here for you.

-Michelle