I'm Not What I Seem [COMPLETED]

Chapter 7

Clary POV

I slowly wrap my new cuts in bandages. One more day. One more day of school before I don't have to see Jace again for two glorious weeks. That's probably the best Christmas gift I could ask for.

I pull on a black sweater that hugs my body and some light gray ripped skinny jeans. I slide into some combat boots then shrug a crimson jacket on. I lazily pull my hair into a ponytail before doing my makeup and grabbing my bag and helmet. I don't even bother to eat anything before I drive off on my motorcycle. I haven't been eating that much lately. Part of it is the fact I'm not hungry, and the other part of it is that I just don't want to.

I quickly bark my bike before running inside. I see Izzy and Jace talking at the end of the hall and slap an emotionless expression onto my face. I walk straight past them, not even bothering to turn around when Iz calls after me. I've decided to avoid them all.

Looking at my schedule I see I have free period first so I head straight to the music room. I've gotta blow off steam and there's only one was for my to do that.

I walk over to the piano and sit down at the bench. I know for a fact that the school won't have the sheet music for the song I want to play, but luckily I know it by heart. My fingers fly across the keys as I play My Immortal by Evanescence (Song in Media. It should work this time.). I close my eyes as the song goes on. The keys feel familiar under my touch.

Back before the divorce my dad taught me how to play the piano. He's always had this love for the arts and, being a seven year old girl, all I wanted to do was please him. As you can probably tell, it stuck with me.

As I get to the bridge, I put my foot down on two peddles. One for an echo effect, the other to make it louder. As the song softens again at the end I slowly raise my feet off the peddles.

"That was really good."

I jump and turn around to see Jem. "You have me an effing heart attack!" I yell with a small laugh.

He just chuckles and says, "You're pretty good." He sits down in one of the band chairs setting his violin case down beside him. "Do you mind if I ask why you've been avoiding Izzy and all your other friends?"

I sigh a little. "Because that's what I do. I get hurt by one person and push everyone else away. It's happened more than you'd think," I say softly as I look towards the window.

"What happened anyway?"

I look at Jem. He's someone I can trust with all of this. After swearing him to secrecy, I tell him everything that happened. Jace getting me pregnant (which I hadn't told any of them yet), the miscarriage, the false accusations towards my character and judgment, my big reveal, and, finally, running off and getting the call from my mother. "So, I started to avoid Izzy because of her adoptive relation to Jace and everyone else because I wouldn't really be able to avoid her if I'm hanging out with her friends."

Jem nods a little. "Yeah, that's a pretty damn good reason to avoid us."

"At least someone understands," I mumble under my breath. I sigh and speak up a little, "I just can't face Jace after what he put me through. Every time I see him I want to grab something sharp and cut myself. He has this effect of me and I fucking hate it."

"Hey, if he really bothers you that much than screw him. He can be a dick and you can continue being awesome." I laugh a little before he continues. "It's not like you can just avoid him for two and a half years."

I lean back against the piano, not caring when the keys press down. "You don't know me that well. Besides, I could always try to kill myself again." The last part comes out barely audible, but I know Jem heard it by his widened eyes.

"Wait, what?"

I sigh a little. "You can't ever tell anyone this, but six months ago I was at an all time low. I was going drugs, smoking a pack a day, drinking until I could barely remember anything, cutting every night, and crying myself to sleep. I was feeling so done with everything. I was ready to give up. So one night, while my dad was working, I tried to kill myself. I slit my wrists," I pause to show him the two large scars over the major veins in my wrist, "and laid in my bed, ready for what came next. I didn't count on my old beat friend Aline walking in and freaking out. She called 911 as I started to lose consciousness.

"I woke up a month later in the hospital. My dad was ballistic. He packed is up and moved us here as soon as I was discharged. When I started packing, I found the suicide note I wrote. I kept it as a reminder of my journey to rock bottom. It's still in a drawer in my room." I cross my arms over my stomach and close my eyes. "You'd better feel special because you're the only I've told any of this to. Not even Jace knows."

"Then I'm honored you chose to tell me. I promise I won't tell anyone. You have my word."

The bell rings and we head to our classes. The only thing getting me through my classes is the thought I won't have to see Jace for a while. The one thing making me wish they would going on longer...

I'm going to see my mother tomorrow.

Well would you look at that! I actually updated! I'm sorry but I've been very busy lately with personal problems that would bore the living hell out of you and my best friend died of cancer. She wasn't even 15 yet and she died of cancer. Can someone tell me how that's fair because I'm still in denial because I don't want to belive her funeral is in a little over eight hours. So now I bird you all good night. I'm gonna go try to not hit rock bottom myself and I'll update the other stories soon.