I'm Not What I Seem [COMPLETED]

Chapter 16

Well I feel like a bitch for not updating in over a month...but I thought I'd give you an update today for a very special reason. YESTERDAY WAS MY BIRTHDAY! (October 30 for those who are reading later) Now, I'll let you all get onto the story.

Clary POV

My first day back to school after the shooting and it's like I'm the new kid again. Everyone is staring at me with such fascination and it's really getting on my nerves. Whatever. I guess I should either get used to it or hope it will go away.

As I walk towards my locker, I see my friends talking. If their lockers weren't right there I'd probably think they were waiting of something. Although, I guess they are in a way.

"What's up with everyone? It's not like I got shot two weeks ago," I try joking. When their faces seem less than amused, I add, "Too soon for that one? Okay." Then someone I didn't know was here comes and wraps his arms around my waist.

"That's my girlfriend. Always making jokes about something that happened to her," Jace states kissing the back of my head through my hair.

"Well if I don't someone has to," I reply with a small smile playing at my lips. I feel him start to chuckle behind me. We all talk for a little longer until the bell rings and Isabelle, Aline, and I go off to homeroom.

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The morning was entirely uneventful. Teachers asked if I was okay way more than they needed to. Students asked me all sorts of questions about what happened and what it was like. Some boys of the perverted type wanted to see the scar which--as they all know--is almost exactly in between my breasts.

Now that I'm at lunch I want nothing more than to be antisocial and eat some sausage piz--"Hey Clary!" Well damn it.

After answering many a question for a freshman, I'm finally able to dig in to my pizza. My friends all talk while I remain silent. They all probably think it's because of the shooting, but it's all because of Mark.

Now I should probably explain just what I meant when I said, No one will ever know I killed someone. Well, it's quite simple. Back in Chicago there was this guy I didn't know, and I shot him in the head. Then my friends and I dumped the body into Lake Michigan before anyone could have called the cops. Not quite rocket science eh?

Everyone there that night vowed not to say a word to anybody who wasn't already there. A week later, a missing person report was passed and was gone again two weeks after that. They all told me to not worry because I'd never get caught, but now Mark is here to threaten the peace. Did that sound a little Star Warsy to anyone else? No? Just me? I'll shut up now.

"Clary? You okay? You've been drifting into space a lot today," Tessa says looking concerned.

"Oh, um, yeah. I'm fine. Just a little tired," I lie. Jace, his arm already around me, pulls me closer. "It's like I'm coming back from summer vacation. Going from partying all night to waking up at 6:00AM. Just without the fun buzz," I add thoughtfully, making them laugh.

"Speaking of partying, there's one this weekend. Do you all wanna go?" Will asks finishing up a huge hamburger that muffles his voice.

"Sounds like fun. I'm definately gonna go," I say smiling. I've been looking for a party to go to for a while.

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After school Jace takes me home since I came with Aline and she has to work today. Once he's gone, I run inside, drop my backpack, and grab my pack of cigarettes. I know I said I'd quit, but I've been smoking since I was fourteen.

I stuff the pack into a black fashion backpack with my iPhone and lighter and head out towards the park. I get to my usual hidden area and lean against one of the trees as I light a cigarette and bring it to my lips.

While I smoke, I think about different things. Luckily, none of them are about Mark. They're about the future. What will I do for a living? Will I move around like my dad and I did for the past six years? Will I still be with Jace? Will I be in prison for a dumb mistake? Or will I be six feet under?

As much as I hate to say it, I've felt my depression getting stronger. It's like the razor I locked away is calling to me. And as much as I try to resist, it's getting harder to ignore it.

"Aren't you a little young to be smoking?"

I jump and turn to see Jonathan. "What the hell are you doing here? Have you gone back to stalking me?" I ask while I cross my arms.

"Well when the last time I heard from you was almost a week ago when you told me you had been shot, I figured I should make sure my little sister is okay," he states, taking a few steps forward.

"You're not that much older than me, Jon. You were born less than a year and a half before me," I grunt rolling my eyes.

Jonathan laughs a little. "There are some things about you that haven't changed ClareBear," he jokes. When I glare at him he laughs a little. "But really, why are you standing out in the open smoking? Where does a sixteen year old girl Hey cigarettes anyway? Does Dad get them for you?" he asks accusingly.

I scoff at the suggestion. "Fuck no. Dad flipped when he caught me doing coke lines in Chicago. He'd never buy me cigarettes. That's why I have this." I pull my fake ID out of my wallet and hold it up a little. "And don't even try attacking Dad. He's not the parent who abandoned me."

Jonathan sighs. "How many times do I have to tell you, Clary? Mom tried fighting for you but the court awarded Dad custody because he had a steadier job."

"Look, I came out here to smoke and get rid of some built up anger. All this arguing is just making me angrier. If we're gonna talk, can we talk about something else?" I ask.

"Yeah. Let's do that."

So, we sit there for a few hours talking about some stuff. He tells me how he, Mom, and Luke all went to Edinburgh for vacation that summer and I told him about Dad and I's travels around Germany. Talking to Jon distracts me from my depression more than smoking does. Maybe I'll remember that next time...