Fallen Alone-Andley

You wanna fight, I'll bring the war.

AN/Yea, I know this took forever but I just felt like nobody wanted to read it so I kinda put it at the back. But here's an update anyway.

Ashley's PoV
Everyone was going out for dinner tonight, and I had no way of getting out of it; unfortunately. So here I am buttoning my black shirt and thinking over what Jinxx said to me after we came back in,

               'At dinner, tell them'

He wanted me to talk to them about my self-harm but, I just can't do it. I'm ashamed of myself, of how much I've let everything get to me, of how I've pushed everyone away and of being gay. That's the biggest one, everyone always shot me down for being gay so I always thought it was a bad thing, now I know it's not but I still can't stop myself from thinking of it as a bad thing, my mind will only process it as a sin, a flaw and another way for people to hurt me or for me to hurt myself.

Tonight brings together 2 of the things I hate the most; eating and talking, I hate eating it only makes me fat and I'm already fat enough so if I do end up eating something I just throw it up afterwards.
I hate talking, people can figure you out the more you speak and the more I speak the more chances I have of people finding out the things I've worked so hard to hide.

I don't know whose bright idea it was to go to some fancy restaurant but I'm gonna goddamn kill them, and Jinxx can shove his idea up his arse cause I ain't saying nothing.

///////////////

Jinxx's PoV
At the restaurant everyone was getting along great, talking about anything that came to mind, except Ashley. Occasionally I would look over, making sure that he actually is there, only to see him with his eyes cast low and softly pushing his food around the plate with the fork.

I really wanted him to talk to the guys, so we can help him, all of us together as a band, as family. Ashley just doesn't seem to realize how bad it effects himself and me now to, seeing that he had done that to himself makes me feel helpless, he was hurting and no one paid enough attention to see it. I was going to speak up, ask Ashley an unavoidable question some will at least talk, but he moved, made a move no one could have predicted.

Ashley's PoV
This dinner thing was stupid, found out it was johns idea for it, to bring the band closer together again (as apparently they were drifting apart slightly) and to get to know asshole better. I had never been to close to any of the guys, they knew only what they needed to know and that was that, except Andy, I was close with him, we were inseparable but we drifted further lately.

Everyone was chatting away happily with one another, not even noticing whether I took part in conversation or not. The laughter was deafening, almost brought tears to my eyes as I watched everyone joking around, that used to be me, it feels like they want to replace me with Cobolt. Especially Andy.

I just so wanted to reach over this table, give him a good hit. Punch that smile right off his face, show him pain, make him feel what I feel inside every day, so I did.

Standing up I lean over the table towards him, one swift motion and he's off the chair and on the floor holding his jawline staring back at me with anger filled eyes.
I could hear the guys shouting at me ask irrelevant questions but I wasn't listening, I started down at Cobolt hatred coating my expression. I was proud if myself, as sick and twisted smile appeared on my face as I watched him on the floor.

My mind was however interrupted by me being pushed backwards, again and again, one after another, Andy. He wasn't to happy I just punished his beloved lover in the face, wait wasn't to happy? No he was furious, his eyes burned with raw hate, and that almost made me regret my decision, actually it did. Knowing now my best friend hates me I have nothing, he'll never forgive me for this. So I ran.

I turned on my heel and ran straight for the doors, vaguely aware of Jinxx calling after me, but only him. I didn't turn back, I couldn't I didn't want to see the disgusted looks on my, once, best friends faces, I ran till I was outside the bus door, almost crashing into it, I finally let the tears fall as I collapsed inside the safe haven of my second home, but I won't be much longer, assuming Andy will kick me out the band I crawl toward my bunk, just to be able to lie in it on last time before my life is over.

I must have lay in my bed for ten minutes before the guys returned, extremely passed off. I could hear them clearly, shouting about me, calling me everything you could think of, how stupid I was, how careless, wreck less and dead I was. They think they wanted to kill me? Oh boys, I'm already dead. I've already killed myself.

It was another 5 minutes before Jinxx cautiously entered the bunk area, in search for me, once he saw me, tears streaming down my cheeks, eyes red and puffy and risen red lines alone my forearm where I had subconsciously been digging my nails in.

"Everything's going to be okay," Jinxx whispered softly as he wrapped his arms around me, I don't know where he got that idea my life is over.

"How? How is it okay? Andy's going to kick me out, I have nowhere to go." I continues to mumble in his chest but not even I know what I was saying,
"He's not going to kick you out, as long as you apologize and tell us why you hit him." he explained, but my reasoning is stupid, if I tell them why the only thing that will come of it is more questions, Jinxx maybe not so much but everyone else, yes it will.

"I felt replaced," I started, sitting up properly to look at him, he seemed a bit confused but also understanding and waiting for me to continue, "That used to be me, happy smiling and having fun with you guys, I may be my own fault that it isn't but it still feels as though your trying to replace me, it still hurts."

In the end, Jinxx didn't ask questions he just hugged me close and stoked my hair soothing me, and that's how I feel asleep, my cheeks wet, eyes puffy, throat raw and dreading tomorrow, we'll just have you wait and see what tomorrow brings.

AN/I know it switches PoV alot, if ya don't like it tell me and al stop but I just kinda wanna get the different sides in. And I hope this is good enough, and sorry again it took so long.
Title-Black Veil Brides-Heart of Fire

-Scarz 💙