*Chris's POV*
I woke up feeling something warm under my arm. Ricky. I ran my hand through his hair. Is this how it's going to be, hurting ever day, wishing he will someday be mine? Damn this is going to suck. I heard him groan, then he started to squirm. He rolled over and stared into my eyes.
"Hey." He whispered. I laughed quietly at how adorable he is.
"Hi." He nuzzled his head into my shoulder, sighing as he pulled at the strings on my sweatshirt. We just laid their silently, him playing with my sweatshirt, and me running my hand up and down his bare side. His eyes fluttered shut again, and his hand slowly stopped moving as he drifted back to sleep. I twirled his hair around my fingers absentmindedly. He's so adorable and tiny. I just want to stay like this forever. Nothing would make me happier. Actually, that's a lie, marrying him would.
"Ricky!" Balz yelled from the front. I pulled my phone out from under my pillow.
Shut up loud mouth. He's asleep.
After another hour, everyone started to get up, so I decided it was time to wake Ricky up. He groaned and tried to cuddle into my chest. I sighed and tried again.
"Carry me." He mumbled. I laughed.
"Ricky I can't get out of the bunk, you're facing the isle." He groaned again. He stood up and leaned against the wall. I shook my head and picked him up, throwing him over my shoulder.
"Noooo." He whined. "Not like that." It was easy to tell he wasn't fully awake yet.
I dropped him on the couch next to Noah before turning to make coffee.I could feel my heart start to ache when I saw them cuddle up to each other. So much for not interested. Maybe he was just tired last night, that's why he didn't seem to like him. I handed Ricky his coffee before trudging to the back.
"I'm going to lay down. I don't feel good." I shut the door and crawled into my bunk. It wasn't a complete lie, I don't feel good. Not in a way where I'm going to be sick, but in a way where my heart aches, and I feel empty. I hate this. Why Ricky? Of all people, Ricky. Maybe I was just meant to feel so miserable. Maybe it's karma for something bad I've done. I don't know, I just know I hate it. Knowing I can't hug him, kiss him, hold his hand, but I have to watch someone else do it, it hurts so fucking much.
I pulled a pillow out from under my head and curled up into a sad little ball, hugging the pillow. My stomach growled loudly, but I ignored it. I'm too upset to eat right now. All I feel like doing is sleeping, but I can't, so I guess I'll just lay here for a while. About an hour later, he came to check on me.
"Hey, you okay?" He smiled slightly. I looked up at him, my face holding no emotion.
"I'm fine." my voice didn't show any sign of emotion either.
"Are you sure? You seem upset." I shook my head and hugged the pillow tighter.
"Nope. I'm just fine." I stared at the wall and heard him sigh.
"Bullshit." He pushed my shoulder. "Move over." I straightened out and moved to the wall. He got in and sat up against the wall, then patted his lap. I rolled over, resting my head on his thighs. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes when he ran a hand through my hair. "Chris, what's wrong?" I shrugged.
"I don't know." I lied. "I'm just not feeling like myself today."
"Do you want me to go then? I know sometimes you'd rather be alone..." He trailed off.
"Do you want to go?"
"Not really." He blushed.
"Then please stay," I whispered as I draped my arm over his legs. He just smiled and continued to run his hand through my hair. We sat like that for almost two hours, just talking about random things. I was starting to feel a little better, but I knew it wouldn't last long.
"Hey, guys. It's time to get ready for the show." Ghost told us as he dug through his bag. I frowned and took my arm off of Ricky, letting him out.
*****Time skip to the show*****
"We're standing right here! So come and fucking get us!" I smiled as I pulled the mic away from my mouth. Playing shows always cheers me up. Seeing all the fans singing and jumping along with us, the huge smiles on their faces. It's fucking amazing. "Thank you guys for coming out here tonight! We fucking love you and we're so grateful to have fans as amazing as you guys. We are Motionless In White!" My smile grew as they all screamed louder. Someone threw a bra as we all started to walk off, and it landed at Balz's feet.
"Sorry ladies!" He yelled. "I don't swing that way!" I laughed and shook my head at him. Noah and Matthew weren't around for the signing, so my good mood lasted until a certain girl came up to me.
"I know your secret, Christopher."
