Letters to Italy

25. just friends

7 days were already over. One week. But not as fast as I had hoped. I filled my days with studying, eating, sleeping and thinking about Gianluca. That last part took actually every second of the day. I already had written him two letters, but he didn't receive one of them yet. For sure, that was another consequence of the long distance between us.

Luckily, we could call and skype or chat on facebook too. Without that it would be the hell! And for me it should even be easier to survive without him. Because I could hear him a lot and I could watch every video of him for over a thousand times again and again. He had to be satisfied with my little video of the piano cover. So sometimes I sent him a new video, but it was different from seeing him while I was speaking. Making a video felt not natural. I was actually more nervous for it then seeing him in real life. But I did it for him. He asked me to send him a video message so he could see me too. On repeat. I imagined him seeing my videos as much as I saw his videos. I hoped he didn't show them to his family again. I already blushed only by thinking about that.

The next days were literally a nightmare. I sat behind my desk for hours, trying to study but really not remembering anything at all. I cried sometimes too. And I suddenly felt ill too. My mom said it were the emotions and the stress for the exams what made me feel like that. I agreed because it probably really was the cause for my complaints. But then she said I had to let Gianluca go! "What?" I screamed. I guess I always knew she didn't like the whole situation but that she dared to say that to me made me really angry.

"It's like a holiday romance! That never works! Or at least not in 99 percent of the cases!" she explained.

"It's NOT just a holiday romance! He... Gianluca Ginoble... is the love of my life! My true love!" I cried. "Think about it! It's not meant to be! It's impossible!" my mom screamed.

"I HATE YOU!" I yelled. I didn't want to hear a word anymore so I ran upstairs. I passed my sister who looked like someone had just committed a murder right in front of her.

I turned the CD player on and set the volume almost at it's maximum. Then I jumped in bed, my whole body covered with the sheets, including my head, trying to block everyone and everything out. Except from Il Volo and Gianluca. I never was that angry and stubborn before. How could she even say that to me? She knew I already felt miserable about not being with him and studying all the time and then she said that. It made everything worse.

My phone rang. It was lying on my desk, a few meters away from my bed. "Should I answer my phone? Maybe it's Gianluca? But then I'll have to leave my save bed", I thought. I tried to forget about my stubbornness and came out of my bed to take my phone from the desk. It was Jonas. Not Gianluca. I didn't answer the phone. Why should I. My stubbornness prevailed my curiosity again.

The next few hours I was lying in bed, crying while listening to the angel voices of Il Volo. My mom came inside to turn off the volume of the CD player. "Your ears!" she screamed. But I changed it back to the previous volume after she left the room. I wished Gianluca was with me that moment. He was the only one who could cheer me up. The only one I ever needed.

I didn't study that day. My first exam was only ten days away. I knew I didn't know anything of it anymore. I only read it once. That's all. For the rest of the days I was sitting and staring in front of me, dreaming about Gianluca of course. I imagined him holding me. But a noise disturbed my daydreams. My phone again. Jonas. "Hello?"

"Hi Aline, how are you?"

Instead of answering I started crying. He heard it. His voice was full of compassion for me. I explained everything to him. About what our mom had said to me, about how I couldn't concentrate during studying. "You're the only one who really listens to what I say. It seems like you really understand what I'm feeling."