Letters to Italy

35. the big day

April 13, 2018

'Time flies when you're having fun', they say. It was already 2018, I believed it just flies by when you're breathing, or when you're alive. No matter if you're enjoying every day or if you're in tears a lot.

We were in Rome, the same hotel as in the beginning, back in 2015. It was still very fairytale like and I still felt like a princes myself. It reminded me of the time with Gianluca. My stomach tingled while I thought back about that time. Like I was in love again. Well, basically I still was in love with him. But now my stomach really felt it too. And I was going to see him again, and Piero and Ignazio. In fact, I was very happy about that. But very nervous. Also a bit scared. What if it would be difficult again to leave him? I now was able to live without him, and without a depression. But maybe tomorrow, the depression would come back?

"Come on Aline! Are you finally ready? We have to leave!" Liene said happy. I was still taking care of my hair. It had to be perfect. "One more second please!"

"Okay, that's already over. Come on! I don't want to be too late on my own brother's wedding!" she said, now clearly a bit irritated because of my slowness.

I looked one more time in the mirror. Hair. Check. Make up. Nope. I still wasn't fond of make up. That was just not really my thing. And I was proud of it. I probably was the only girl without make up that day. But I didn't care. Dress. Check. I never was more happy about a dress. It was the most beautiful dress I ever wore. Of course it was blue. My favourite colour for clothes. With silver details. Not that long and not that short either, just long enough to make me feel beautiful and comfortable. The dress twirled when I turned around to go to Liene. I always felt like a princes in this hotel, and now I really looked like one. "You look gorgeous!" my dad said with sparkling eyes. "Grazie mille!" I bowed a bit, just like a real princes.

***

Officialy Jonas and Carlotta were already married because we all had been to the town hall in the morning. I looked around when I was there, but no sign of Gianluca or the rest of Il Volo. So I could focus on my brother's wedding. He looked very handsome in his suit. And it totally matched Carlotta's dress. She looked splendid in her white dress. She was definitely the most beautiful person that day, it would be weird if she wasn't.

Afterwards we went to the church. We were brought by beautiful black cars. Only Jonas and Carlotta sat in a white old-timer.

When I entered the church I immediately looked around to find a sign of Il Volo. Especially of Gianluca of course. I was Jonas' witness for the wedding. That was exciting. It made me even more nervous. I sat down on a chair near to Jonas' chair and while I was waiting for the wedding to begin, I looked around. I actually really had to turn around because everyone else sat behind me. It was like I was the one that was going to marry. I gave up looking for them, Il Volo, because it was too obvious I was looking for someone. But there was actuelly no more time for that because everyone suddenly cheered and clapped in their hands. Jonas and Carlotta were coming through the aisle of the church. It was magical. And there were a lot of people to celebrate the moment with us. Even on the side of Jonas. A lot of Belgian friends and family didn't want to miss the wedding. Which I could understand very much because my brother always was very popular. Because of his kindness. And he could be funny sometimes...okay a lot.

I really loved every part of the ceremony, but I actually was waiting for Il Volo. I hadn't really seen them yet. And the first song, the one where Jonas and Carlotta entered the church, was by the musicians only. So I was wondering where Il Volo could be hiding. After a big ten minutes, the moment was finally there. I saw some movement in my right eye corner so I turned my head to look in that direction. And I was right, it was Il Volo. I quickly looked back in front of me again. I didn't want to be rude or so but I was just too shy again. After all that time, more than two years, it was difficult to make eye contact again. Even with Piero and Ignazio.

They walked to the microphones and then the musicians started to play. That sound. A live orchestra. This time a very small. Perfect. The only time I heard it before was on that one day. The day we met. I looked at them, they were concentrating on the singing and most of the time they looked to Jonas and Carlotta. Actually I didn't know if I wanted Gianluca to look at me too. But if he did, it was going to be weird. And I probably wouldn't know how to behave. But the moment came and Piero was the first one to look me into my eyes. I smiled. But I hesitated. Was it appropriate to smile? Or did he maybe think I had betrayed one of his best friends by letting him go and making him feel so sad, more than two years ago. I never talked to him again, and also not to Ignazio. So I didn't know what they were feeling about the whole situation. But when Ignazio looked at me, he smiled, so I think it was not that bad, what they thought of me.

The song was almost over and then it happened. Gianluca looked into my eyes. It was a bit like the first time he did that. Like on that night of the concert. He first looked at me for more than three seconds, very serious. And after that he seemed to ignore me. But the song had ended so actually there was no more time to look at me again. They walked back to their chairs. I didn't know they sat right behind us, with one other row of people in between. They were so close. And I couldn't see them. But they were probably looking at me the whole time. Or at least Gianluca would. It all made me shiver. It was like sitting on the first table in class, with all the eyes of your classmates on your back. But this time I even felt more uncomfortable.