Letters to Italy

28. 6 months

They say that amorousness disappears after 6 months. And that it is 'converted' into real love! I can tell you, none of it is true! I still had the same feeling as the first second, the first week, the first month and now it were already the first six months!

But I couldn't deny there really changed something. I started to use my brains more again. More than my heart, which was so strong it was almost impossible to do that. But I reached my limit. I couldn't do this anymore. It wasn't going to work like that. Probably not even in the end, like he said. "Everything's gonna be alright. In the end we will be together. Forever!"
I was shocked myself, the moment I finally let those thoughts into my mind. But it was the truth. Our lives were just too different. It was since the Christmas period, I realized it wasn't possible like that.

I thought back about Christmas eve.

A message from Gianluca. It's a link. I was surprised I never had seen this song before. I had seen 99 percent of all the Il Volo videos. How amazing was it that Gianluca knew exactly what video belongs to the other 1 percent. It was a song about Christmas, about having a blue Christmas. And it was really how I felt too. They sang it a capella. Il Volo was so special they didn't even need music to support the voices. Their voices only were enough to make a magical moment. "Merry Christmas amore mio! I'll call tonight if that's okay!" Of course that was okay.

I realized we were more sad than happy the past six months and that we couldn't really live 'with' each other. We were always apart from each other. If you count the days we really were together, you don't even reach 20. Maybe my mom was right all the time. It was not meant to be. I believed the whole situation was too complicated and that was the only reason it wasn't meant to be. But our love, I couldn't deny our love really was true love.

The more I thought about it, the more I became convinced about the fact I needed to let him go. He always said in interviews he needed a girl that would understand Il Volo's way of living, touring the world, almost never being home. I really understood! But I also believed he needed a girl who could tour with him and follow him everywhere. Or at least more than I was able to. I certainly would have to study for one more year after this one. And my parents still were very severe. So how was it even possible it even had been six months already.

Piero's POV

"Where's Gianluca?" I asked Ignazio.

"Over there." He pointed toward the chairs that were meant for the audience tonight. "What is he doing?"

"It seems like he's thinking about life!" Ignazio said.

"He's thinking about Aline, I'm sure about that!"

"Well, Aline is his life. So I am right too!" he laughed, but I didn't know if it was appropriate for us to laugh. Gianluca looked really sad. I started to walk over to him. Hoping he would open up his heart to me, because with a sad Gianluca, we couldn't do a lot in Il Volo. The fans were even seeing it. They were asking me and Ignazio why Gianluca looked so sad all the time. We never talked about it with him. It would have made it only worse, his sadness.

"Hi Gianluca, what are you doing?" I sat next to him. Hoping he was going to talk about it. Because talking really helps sometimes.

"Hi," he said absent, staring right in front of him. I immediately knew who would win the game 'staring without blinking'. But it wasn't about that game, it was all about the game called love why he looked like that. "I probably shouldn't even ask why you look so sad. It's about Aline, isn't it?"

"I just miss her so much!" he said, letting all of his tears out immediately. I took him in my arms, like a father and son. "I know!" I said, letting him cry all of his tears out. I saw Ignazio look very concerned to us. If one 'brother' was down, we all felt it like it was our own pain or sadness. I gave Ignazio a sign, that he didn't need to come. I was going to talk with Gianluca alone, that would be the best for him. One person is enough for now, to tell all his fears and thoughts to.

After just embracing each other for a few minutes, we just sat next to each other on the chairs for the audience. Gianluca still had tears in his eyes but he started to speak now. "Will this ever stop?" he said. I was a bit confused. I thouhgt he loved her.
"I mean, the missing, the pain of missing her! It's a lot to bear every day. I don't know how long I can hold on like this."

"I understand," I said, but a clear solution for it didn't came into my mind. "What are you going to do about it?"

"I'm thinking about her every second, about the problems we have. And it has nothing to do with our love for each other but with other things. But not just one thing, a lot of things. But the biggest one is the distance, and there is only one solution. Since I can't follow her, she has to follow me. But since that's not possible right now, it's actually not a real solution. So maybe the one thing we need to do is try to forget each other."

"I think that's impossible too!" I said. I've seen him last six months. Wherever he goes he thinks about her. And when he says something, most of the time he mentions her.

"I also think that," he cried. He looked so sad. I had never seen him like that.

"And how do I have to tell her that? I already feel guilty in advance. I always told her everything would be alright in the end. So I am a big fat liar!"

"No Gianluca, no! That's not true. I'm sure Aline will not think that about you."

"But what will she think then? I almost can predict how she thinks, what she will say on some moments and what she will choose. But now I just don't know how she is gonna react if I tell her how I feel."

"You only know if you talk to her. When do you see her again?" I asked because talking in real life would be the best.

"I don't know yet. She still has exams. And she has a week vacation in the beginning of February. So the week of my birthday. So she maybe comes to Italy. But she will be so happy and it's my birthday then. I really can't tell her about it then." He was right. She was going to spend a lot of money to travel to Italy, just to probably be disappointed about what Gianluca thought about the whole situation. He should tell her before.

"You should tell her before she spends all her money to come to Italy!" I told him, although I didn't really believe that was the best when you had to tell someone something like that.

"I know," he said. His face still full of tears. "But I can't"

"You know what. Let it go for now. Just try to forget it a bit. Not her yet, but the whole thing about problems and distance and missing her." When I said that I thought it sounded stupid. Of course he couldn't forget missing her. It's not a thing that you can turn off when you want it. He already looked like he didn't understand what I was saying. "Forget what I said!"

"No, I'm wrong," he said all of a sudden. "This is just a very weak moment. I'm sure it will get better. I just need to wait for her, until she's ready to follow me everywhere. Or more than she is able to do now." He had wiped away all of his tears. He suddenly seemed more resolute about what he just said. "Come on, let's prepare for a wonderful show tonight!" He stood up and walked to the stage. And me, I sat there on a chair with open mouth from surprise. How could he just change his mood so fast? And I knew he wasn't really that happy although he suddenly acted like he was.