Twisted

~10~

     He pulls back himself. I take the entire kiss in, I don't know what I think about it. All I know is that I wanted more. He sits back in his chair, trying to see my reaction. He doesn't say anything and neither do I.

     I rub my fingers over the spot on my lips he kissed. It felt nice at first. But now, it's itching.

     My lip is itching, right after he kissed it.

     There's no disease that can react just that fast. No, no, now it's burning. I freak out, the pain is worse than the needles stuck in my arm. "What - what's happening?" I ask myself.

     His lips react as well. They turn black, pure black. It spreads to his eyes, and his whole face is a black mess.

     His body is now entirely black, he's a shadow. The room, spins. I'm dazed, confused, and wondering what is real and what isn't.

     The walls melt. The floor melts, his black body melts. The doorway melts. Everything, melts. Nothing but my bed, and my body stand right.

     "Help!" I scream but my voice is mutilated and low.

     My whole body is burning. I feel my hands melting, loosing every last drop of feeling. My legs, I think they melt as well. I - I - can't. Go away!

     You are just dreaming! Stop it! Wake up! "Wake up! Your dreaming!" My head is throbbing all around, dreams only last for seconds. It's been what feels like hours. "Help me! Wake up!"

~

     "Wake up! Wake, wake up." I am sitting up in the white bed sheets.

     Only am I grateful for it not ending my Mother's casket. That's all. For some reason, I can't get a grip onto things around me.

     It's hard to stop the room from spinning, without grabbing onto something for balance.

     Now, now I know.

     I am going insane. I have issues. I am not going insane. I'm already there.

     For how long?

     No way to tell.

     All I know my mind is not where it was.

     I'm caving in from the inside out.

     Loosing the small grip on my life I have.

     My train of thought, ripping off the rails.

      Falling apart right down to the seams.

     Breaking from the inside out.

      The life I want, is not the l live. At least in that dream life, I had the honor of being sane. Not having nightmares every other night. Not loosing my own thoughts to the cruel worlds of society I live in. That's where I want to be.

     But this is where I am.

     I'm hurting too.

      This empty feeling stuck right my heart is.

      I need to put a stop to all this.

      I'm not crazy enough to jump off a cliff or anything like that. No. I don't roll like that.

      Time seems as if it stands still. Just me, focusing. Lost deep in thought. I tend to do this a lot. Just zone out. Everything thinks it's traumatic stress or whatever, but they shouldn't be talking. I've planned several murders in my mind.