The Older Man (BoyxBoy)

Three

OLIVER

            Fucking Tommy. Sometimes I just want to grab him by his hair and shove his head through a wall. He embarrassed me in front of Mr. Stone. I felt embarrassed but I think Mr. Stone was amused. While we were having lunch I had tried to read him but it was so hard. Usually I’m good at reading people. I can tell if a person is full of shit from a mile away. Tommy, for instance, I knew was full of shit. This kid wouldn’t leave me alone. He literally asked me out everyday and he flirted with me nonstop. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and I decided to go out with him. He was different for a while and after couple months I realized it was only because he was nervous around me and I made him that way. After he warmed up to me he slowly slipped back into being an annoying little bitch.

            The first time I broke up with him he threatened to do something stupid. I know he wasn’t suicidal but I know Tommy is full of grudge and he’s sadistic enough to do it just so that I will live with the guilt. Things aren’t always bad with him because he has his moments when he can be a good person and he treats me well. In those moments we’re happy and we are like a couple. Those moments are long gone and we haven’t had one in nearly a year.

            To outsiders I look stupid for putting up with him, for having had stayed with him for so long. Despite all of that no one knows how he really feels about me. No one knows how terrible I feel every time I break up with him and he’s down on his hands and knees begging me to stay. No one understands the guilt I feel to leave him and the burden I carry to stay with him.

            Technically speaking we’re not together but I can’t actually leave him. I’m scared. I’m scared shitless of what he might do. Lord knows, as much as I want to murder him most of the time I do not want his blood on my hands.

            “Want to talk about it?” The man with the sexy British accent asked me. My mood changed immediately, but unlike those other times it didn’t take away whatever pain, regret, or thought I was feeling.

            “Talk about what, Sir?” I asked, as if he hadn’t been there a week ago when the whole incident happened at my apartment. Mr. Stone and I went to lunch. I enjoyed it and the only thing I was able to focus on was the gorgeous man that had been sitting in front of me. Tommy didn’t exist. He didn’t exist until this morning after I saw him when I woke up. I don’t know where he has been for the past couple days and I don’t care. He woke me up with a smile on his face and breakfast like nothing happened. Like he hadn’t told me he cheated on me. Or like he hadn’t been disrespectful to my boss and more importantly, to me.

            “You look good,” Mr. Stone said, casually, as he pushed the stop button on the elevator. This caused me to look at myself. This morning I chose to wear a grey cardigan over striped dress shirt, navy blue dress pants…and I wore Vans. Military Pritchard Vans. I had told Mr. Stone that I refuse to give up Vans completely. We found a store because he wanted to know what was so “bloody lovely about Vans.” I can still hear his exasperated accent in my ear. We went to the store and we compromised. I can’t say I regret the decision though. I look pretty wicked in ‘em.

            “Thank you,” I said, shyly. That’s another thing. I am never shy but more times than one Mr. Stone had managed to make me feel shy around him. That never happened before. I could be meeting the fucking POTUS and I wouldn’t be shy or nervous about it.

            “Why do you buy coffee if the one you make is so amazing? Total waste.”

            “Left the apartment in a hurry,” I answered, taking a long dramatic sip.