Adopted by Luke Hemmings

Chapter 37

No triggering actions, just triggering words xx

Collin's point of view

"Hey Luke, can Kayla stay over after school since the fist concert is tonight? Oh, what is that?" I asked as I saw him mix something into water again.

"It's um nothing." He said as he turned around. I went up that him and grabbed the box beside the glass before he could stop me. "I'm sorry Collin."

Anti-depressants.

He was giving me anti-depressants by putting it in my water.

It was everyday too...

"Is that... Is that why I've been so happy lately?" I asked him sadly and he nodded slowly. "So I'm-I'm not getting better? It's all fake?"

"I'm sorry." He said and took the box from me. "The doctor said that I had to give you them and I knew you wouldn't take them by pill so I asked for this. I knew you wouldn't want to."

"So, I'm actually not okay?" I asked him. "I'm still fucked up?" I said quietly and looked down.

Of course you're not actually happy. You'll never be happy unless it's fake. You don't deserve to be genuinely happy.

"Look at me buddy," Luke said and then tilted my head up. "You were never fucked up, but you weren't okay. I'm sorry I had to trick you like this for you to take them but they help yeah?"

I nodded.

They did help. Ever since he's been giving them to me, I haven't heard the voices in my head. I have been happier, and more carefree and outgoing. I've been feeling normal.

Even if it's fake, I was happy.

"Are you mad at me Collin?" He asked and I was quiet. "I just wanted you to be okay without the rehab and the therapy, little man. I know this is wrong but it was my best shot."

"It's okay." I told him and smiled smally. "It does help, honestly. I'm not mad, just upset." I said quietly.

"I thought I was getting better. I thought that maybe... just maybe I was going to be okay without the help of somrone or-or something." I told him and he smiled sadly at me.

"I'm sorry." He repeated and I shrugged. "I'm thought you'd be pissed. I was expecting yelling and screaming and crying and slamming door."

"No... no more of that." I said and looked at him. "Last time that happened I um, did something and hurt you all." I said and he gave me a hug. "I don't want to do it again."

Yes you do. It felt so good Collin. Remember? The feeling of the blade sliding against your wrist? The delicious sting and the pain numbing feeling? The blood dripping down your wrist, it was soothing. You want that. I know you do.

"Luke," I said and buried my face in his chest. "They're back." I whimpered because dear god did I want to feel that again.

I don't even have a valid reason why, it's just because of my addiction. It's been weeks since I last hurt myself and now just thinking about it made me want to. It made my fingers twitch and my wrists itch.

"What's wrong? The voices are back?" I nodded and he kissed my head. "Don't listen to them buddy. They're lying . They're wrong. Whatever they're saying is bullshit." He told me.

"Come in, your breakfast is getting cold. When you finish, they should be gone okay?" He told me and I nodded.

"Next time... can you actually get the pills?" I asked him and he chuckled. "I prefer pills."