pretty chapped lips : malum :

3.4

The first time was faded. The memory was like a photograph from years ago, edges frayed and picture rubbed down so its occupants look like nothing but ghosts standing before scenery that no longer exists. But it's still there, though foggy and faded, it's there.

It had gotten to the point I was almost comfortable around them all. Around his friends that fidgeted with foggy eyes and smoke staining the air in their presences. I started to almost enjoy my time with them, leaning against Calum's side as he mumbled things into my hair that made no sense and everything felt so foggy and calm. It was nice. Nice to forget everything. It was addictive even.

Each night was spent laughing, talking though none of us would ever remember what about. It started off simple then, I never noticed, I didn't ask what I was given, I just took it. We were all just so stoned and it felt so damn good.

I couldn't remember the song playing when I lay there with my head in his lap, fingers in my hair as my own drifted through the smoke in the air, though I remember it was filled with static and the strum of a single guitar in a jagged melody that sounded strange and eerie. There was talking in the background, laughing from Alex with the smiley face tabs on his tongue and a steady beat of rhythmic tapping from Kellin who sat on the floor, Vic whispering by his side as Jack talked about things I didn't even try to care about. Everything felt so light, so fluffy and I swore I was floating. It was nice, not to care, not to feel.

It was nice.

I could remember knuckles against my skin. I could feel them brushing along the side of my face before fingertips, rough and calloused replaced them, running over my cheeks, my jaw, my lips. I never questioned it. My tongue felt heavy like led. So why use it?

He looked so concentrated. Brow furrowed, lips pursed, like he was thinking so hard about something my groggy mind couldn't even dare to think of. But his fingertips kept ghosting along my face, thumb catching on parted lips and I couldn't find it within me to question why.

I don't remember if he told me to get up or if I did it of my own accord. I don't remember anything but laughing when I ended up sitting on his lap, head on his shoulder as Jack said something about toy boys or boy toys that I ignored. All I remember is a spliff to his lips and a hand curled around the back of my neck. I was like a little doll, a toy, but I didn't care.

I didn't care when he pulled me closer. I didn't care that his grip almost hurt. I didn't care that everyone was staring.

I didn't care.

Shotgunning, I figured out that's what it was later.

It felt strange. It wasn't like with Luke, all awkward hands and timid actions. It was tight grips and forgetting to breathe. His grip on the back of my neck hurt, and the bite to my lip stung, but it felt so differentanddemanding and I liked it.

There was smoke when we parted and I remember laughing and I don't even know why. We were laughing, lips brushing and his grip never loosened. His lips were red and his eyes sparkled like pretty little gems. It was shiny and pretty and perfect.

It took until the next morning for me to notice the bruises on the back of my neck.

"You taste like cotton candy."

A/N THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVOURITE CHAPTERS IM SO EXCITED I HOPE YOU LIKED IT TELL ME IF YOU DID SQUEE BYE

ilyilyilyilyily

-rachel x