It was all about the party.
After a while we stopped just meeting at Jack and Alex's. Calum would show up a little earlier, waiting outside my door knowing my parents weren't home. He'd grab me by the hips when I locked the door and tell me how I looked so good. And in return I would ignore the liquor on his lips and the cigarette pinched between his fingers that left ash on my clothes.
The first time was the one I remembered the most, though, it was a given that I didn't even remember much of it at all. He had grabbed me by the hips when I turned to lock the door, whispered in my ear and made me wonder if he was out of it already. But I didn't ask, I didn't question his actions aloud. I just let him do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted, and maybe that was my first mistake.
He said we were doing something different tonight. I remember asking why, but all I got for a reply was a glint in his eyes with nothing verbalised. I never made a sound on how he was becoming that image from the beginning, fading away and distancing himself though so clearly I could feel his hands on my hips and his breath hot against my lips when he pulled me closer and told me dont worry. But I did worry, I worried because I had no idea where we were when the night began, I worried because we were surrounded by haze and strangers, I worried because of the look in his eyes.
There were people, so many people. Dancing, talking, laughing, shooting up something I couldn't see from the corner of my eyes. Light skinned, dark skinned, everything in between no one was the same til you caught a look in their eyes. It was such a familiar look. Feralandwild, it didn't take long for me to understand why.
There was music, so heavy I felt it in my chest as the beat vibrated against the floor under my feet. There were people laughing, dancing in the dim light and everything felt hot and heavy. I remember saying I didn't want to dance, it's not really my thing. But he grabbed me by the hips and told me to loosen up, chest to chest, I could almost taste the mix of smoke and drink on his lips.
I can't remember when a drink was passed to my hand. But I remember why I took it. It was because my chest felt tight and he looked at me like it wasn't a big deal. So I drank it. I never asked what it was, never questioned it, a bad habit that ended up giving me a foggy mind by the end of the night.
For a while that seemed to be enough. Dancing in the haze of smoke and dim lights, wandering hands and hushed words against parted lips. I liked that moment more than I would have ever admitted, though his hands sunk lower and there were too many people around, his breath was hot against my lips and that was enough to make me decide that I didn't quite care.
But we ended up outside after a while, surrounded by strangers that greeted him like an old friend I wondered where the stoners that I had become used to where that night. They could have been faceless for all I knew, as they were only shadows in my mind. Trying to remember is like watching what goes on around you when you're half asleep, eyes almost closed and mind foggy, senses dulled nothing makes much sense.
I stood with my head against his shoulder when they talked, whatever the conversation was is now long lost to me. I remember something they said peeked my interest, the mention of a name that caused his arm around my waist to tense. They said it again, a look in the eyes of whoever he was speaking to as Calum's jaw just tensed. I think I remember setting my hand over his, and I'm not sure if when he looked at me he had this look I had never seen before - or the haze of the rest of that night had made that memory for me.
I'm not sure how we ended up back inside and I'm not sure how I ended up with two little pills in my hand. They were tiny things, pale blue and looking so simple in the palm of my hand. He didn't make me take them. He didn't force them down my throat.
He just gave me that smile and I couldn't help myself from going along with whatever he wanted.
"Bottoms up."
AN one, that is my face, appreciate my liner please dear friends.
two, i hoPE YOU LIKED IT ILY YAY TELL ME IF YOU DID SWEET DREAMS MY SMOL BBYS
- rachel x
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pretty chapped lips : malum :
Fanfiction"Once upon a time, I met a boy who would smoke more than he'd weigh." in which michael is a quiet sixteen year old who ghosts through life without really living at all: that is, before he finds himself infatuated with a boy who flirts with death lik...
