GONER

16 • In Josh And Sidekick, I Attempt To Trust

A/N: this shit is finally picking up ayye

just remember you guys can ask me questions any time bc i have nothing better to do than answer them, and I adore you guys more than you know.

oh, and tyler has been clean for around four months now :)) im pretty sure i never mentioned it that way so hello pls read my shit story now. oh and i
have no idea what day of the week it is so i made it a thursday

and one more thing, unless i tell you that someone named andy or michael or whatever, are in a band, or if i include their last name, don't assume they're from a band. so, even though alex gaskarth is one of my many lord and saviors, he is not in goner :))

***
I felt like a glass of water. I felt like a glass of water that had the smallest amount of food coloring dropped into it, and was watching it spread from somewhere I couldn't control. Maybe high above the ground, or below it. But I was watching the water change into a deep, thick, warm color, and I didn't hate it nearly as much as I wanted to.

I was drowning so unbelievably quickly in the feeling of his skin and the touch of his hair, and the feeling was so painful and yet so comfortable and soft, and I never wanted to let him go, out of fear that the slightly memorized parts of his body would be lost to me. I was finally brushing my fingertips against places I had no business touching before now, like the hollow of his cheek and the delicate curve of his eyebrow. And his eyes were so gorgeous, the butterscotch color making me want to stare into them forever. I looked into his eyes and saw melting caramel, and my desperate face, too, hoping for him to reconnect our lips again.

And maybe my lungs hurt so badly because of the fact that I was breathing in Josh instead of air, and knowing I would have to release him made me want to scream.

Yeah, that was probably it.

The real question still sat there in the corner, unanswered as we swallowed up the space in between our lips, not stopping out of fear of asking each other questions. Awkwardness was always something you wished to be avoided, unless it entertained you somewhat. Seeing someone else in an awkward situation might be considered funny, but having myself in one made me want to cry. And I feel that the same goes for most people that live on planet earth and feel the need to interact with people.

But it was coming. I could feel it, and I didn't know how it would be approached, but hoped it would be somewhat decent.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He questioned, stepping forward so that his body was much closer to mine. I could feel his body heat, and the lining of his toned chest under his thin shirt.

Because I wasn't expecting that particular question, I let the lump grow in my throat that appeared any time I talked about my issues, and shrugged. "It wasn't important, I guess."

"Don't say that," he replied immediately, voice stern and strong. "Don't say anything like that. It isn't true."

I bit my lip, shaking my head at him. "No, listen. I've been clean for four months, and I'm fine." I lied easily, knowing it wasn't the entire truth. It was much easier to lie. I have been clean for four months, though, and I still pride myself on that, no matter how difficult it could get. My thoughts were still a bit on the shaky side, but it didn't matter.

It didn't matter.

"Tyler. You can trust me," he said, hands pressed to the sides of my neck again. His forehead was almost leaning on mine, and I didn't know where to put my hands, besides over his. "Alright? Trust me."

"I-I trust you," I repeated.

"I don't know what you went through, and are probably still going through, but I will listen. I will be here. Do you understand? I'm not a therapist, but I can do something."