GONER

21 • Dresser Drawer

A/N: I have spent so much time crying this week that I don't even know what to do with myself lol bye.

By the way, my mood doesn't influence a chapter, because I usually have the events for the chapter planned. But the things that Tyler feels are some of the things that I feel and just ugh okok, enjoy.

There is a trigger warning, do you understand me? Trigger. Warning. Be safe, please. I love you guys.

***

"Nice to know you decided to come back home."

"You're drunk."

"And you're gay. I guess things don't always go the way we'd like, huh?" She laughed, the deep purple liquid dangerously close to sloshing onto the floor.

My damp socks were clasped tightly in my left hand, and my eyes felt almost as heavy as my chest as I looked towards the only light that was on in the house, besides the one near the doorway. There my mom sat, in the kitchen, bathed in yellow light. A plate of cold spaghetti in front of her, and a bottle of wine lay in her hand. I could tell she was drunk. Her flushed cheeks and red eyes were signs enough.

"Well, I'm going to sleep," I replied emotionlessly, scratching my eyebrow with the nail of my thumb.

"We still haven't even talked." She whined, stomping her foot down under the table in faux frustration. Or maybe it was real.

"I've had enough of you tonight, mom."

"Have you?" She scoffed, shaking her head. "Wow. You tell me you're gay, and suddenly think you're on top of the world." She swung her empty glass, that I'm sure had nothing in it to begin with, in the air, rolling her eyes. "Is that how all gay people are?"

I was tired. No, I was exhausted, and I didn't want to deal with her. Honestly, the sight of her face made me want to be sick after all of the things that came out of her mouth earlier, and are still coming out of her mouth.

"Uh, I'm going to sleep." I repeated, shaking my head. I didn't want to get into it with her all over again. I refused.

Without waiting for her to respond to me, I headed for the stairs, even though her eyes were locked on mine as she took small sips from her bottle, eyebrows raised as her gaze followed me up the steps. I didn't look back, mostly because I knew that I couldn't, and just walked slowly to my room, falling into the doorway as if everything in my body decided to give out the second the security of my room was offered.

~

My throat was sore from holding back my tears by the time I stepped into the shower, immediately turning the water onto the hottest setting available. Maybe the temperature would distract me from the things clouding my head, and soothe me a bit. And I wanted to sleep. I wanted to sleep forever. But I knew that I would eventually have to venture down the stairs sometime later this morning, seeing as it was almost midnight, and face the woman who made me feel like an abomination and a freak and a defect, and the thought made my body shudder.

I smelled like the woods, and tears, and discrimination, and shaky recovery, and I tried to scrub every scent off of me. I wanted to feel like nothing, because that was so much easier than feeling like something.