GONER

25 • The Art Of Cutting Ties Pt. 2

A/N: For those of you that don't think middle schoolers have sex, you wanna bet?

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"Honestly, I don't feel like there's a good way to explain all of this without making myself sound like a terrible person, but I guess I'll start with the uncle that is, in fact, crappy. I mean, that makes the most sense." Josh said quietly, picking at the dirt on the ground with his fingernails. His voice was careful and cautious in the dark, and his eyes were the most illuminated part of his body as of now, even though the moonlight carved small half-circles into his forehead and his cheekbone.

It felt so rude and intrusive to watch him, when he looked so bare and exposed, and I hated that he had been pushed into hiding in the first place. But I could honestly appreciate the beauty of his features on the ground, next to him and next to the water.

"However you see fit to explain, you do that." I replied. I tried to make myself sound as calm as possible, when I was honestly freaking out inside. It was a bit terrifying, and I can imagine that I looked like a pot of water boiling in slow motion, and it made a lot of sense. "I just want to know what's going on."

He nodded, and I could only tell because the patch of light on his face moved. "That's understandable. But please keep in mind that I never actually talk about any of this to anyone outside of my family, so this is as foreign to me as it is to you."

I swallowed thickly, thankful for the darkness that concealed my expression. Still, I said nothing, wanting him to be as comfortable as possible with me. Hopefully, he already was, but I just tucked my hands in my lap, taking slow, deep breaths. His knee was pressed against mine. There was two pieces of fabric separating our skin. My pants, and his.

"Okay, so." He dug at the ground again, and now the moon fell on his throat, and a small piece of his face, and I caught sight of his frantic, concealed breathing as his eyes moved up to the sky. " I was, like, ten when my uncle, Sean, and not the good one, started babysitting me. My dad had just started deploying all over again, because the army continuously needed him, and my mom was always on business trips in other towns and cities and states, and so I was always alone with him. He didn't really bother me at first or anything, but the thing about a babysitter is that he was always there when other people weren't. And my brothers were always doing sports or clubs or something after school, and on weekends and stuff. Long story short, we were around each other way more than I wanted, he was disgusting, I was a kid, and you know how that goes."

My eyes moved to his with a force of realization so heavy, that it could have knocked both him and I over if we standing. He wasn't looking at me, though, and I was staring intently at him, desperately hoping that what I knew he was talking about wasn't what he was talking about. In my head, I thought over and over about how unrealistic that was, and how that couldn't have possibly happened to Josh, but if I put the pieces together, it made too much sense.

"So, Sean, your uncle, t-took advantage of you? Is that what you're telling me?"

At that sentence, he shrugged, yanking open a beer with his can-opener. "Sure. If you'd like to make me into a charity case. But, yes. I lost my virginty to my uncle, and I know that's disgusting, but I was a kid." He grumbled. "We didn't even have sex until I was twelve, but, you know." He amended, sighing. "I should have said something, honestly. Or, like, done something. But I was a kid, and I honestly just didn't know it was as wrong as it was."

He shrugged, and I could see tears in his eyes. And I've never seen Josh cry. "But, yeah, so after that, I turned thirteen, and I know that the whole mindset that people who went through that have is something closely related to a complete and utter fear of contact, but I went through the opposite. Instead of never wanting to have sex again, I figured I should. He already made me feel gross, and so I didn't think it mattered. And I understood the risks of sleeping around at such a young age, or any age, but I was so unhappy that I didn't care. Justin completely abandoned me as soon as he found out about what happened with Todd and I, by the way, because he told me he didn't want to be friends with someone that had an STD, even though I didn't, and still don't."