GONER

22 • Car Games

A/N: Pansexual people are not attracted to everyone on earth, and they are not slutty. Don't be ignorant ugh.

And I understand that somewhere in the shitty start of this shitty book, I said that Tyler moved in the middle of the year. Well, no he did not. It's like the beginning of their junior year, because I said so. I don't feel they're old enough to be seniors yet oh god no.

Also, I know I've never really specified the whereabouts of Josh's dad, but he's currently deployed, because he's in the army. ((And, no, I did not just make that up. I meant to include it somewhere but I literally totally forgot lol sorry))

Oh, and I don't know shit about Josh regarding small facts. Like, I'm making this up based on his personality in the story. If you get pissed off in the comments (which I know you all won't because you're all incredible) than I will get pissed back :-)) you know this, yeah?

***

"I could pick you up," he offered, voice slow and inviting. "If you'd like me to."

"I hate putting this all on you," I breathed silently, biting on the skin of my thumb. "I don't-I don't want you to, like, worry."

"Tyler, understand that I am going to worry, because I care about you." He explained, sighing. But I didn't want him to sigh. I didn't want any negative emotion to tag along with what was already there, and my head fell into my hands as I struggled to hold onto the phone in my hand.

"Well, I wish you didn't care." I groaned, slamming the toes of my shoe against the table leg in front of me. My legs were crossed under the table, and I was gnawing on my lip like there was no tomorrow. I was a proper mess if I thought about it fully, and I shook my head at myself. "Honestly, Josh. This is a waste of time."

"Unless you want me to speed all the way there and risk getting in a potential car crash, which helps absolutely no one, I suggest you shut your mouth, unless you have something amazing and wonderful to say about yourself."

Seeing as I didn't, I moved my knuckles against the scratched wood subconsciously, leaning back in my chair lightly. I felt like some sort of depressed business man, with my cold eyes and tough knuckles, and tried to control the feeling in my chest as I looked out of the window. The sky was in that state that looked like the beginning of a stew, like we were inside of a pot. But I just moved my eyes away from the glass, and my hand back down in my lap.

"I'm outside," he informed slowly. "It's your choice, you know. But I really don't want you to walk."

On one hand, I could be completely and totally selfless and tell him I was going to walk to school in order to keep any more concern for me from growing inside of him. Or, I could get in car and act like nothing was happening, and like I was sane and happy and great. Both of them seemed like bad choices, but I didn't give myself much more of an option before I walked out towards the window, taking a deep breath, and leaving my bag on the chair, now that I had my house keys in my pocket. Besides, selflessness never looked decent on me. Always wrong and oddly shaped and uncomfortable.

"'S that him?" My mom asked me suddenly, causing me to jump ten feet into the air and shimmy away from her with fear and anxiety in my throat. I didn't want to respond to her, and now that most of the anger had subsided, it was all despondency. This entire situation made me want to cry, and I power walked as quickly as I could to the door, and slammed it behind me before she could even think about trailing behind. My eyes hadn't landed on her once since last night, and I could tell she was mad. Angry. Hungover. Remorseful. All the things she really had no right to be.

He was standing outside of the car, leant against it, with that perpetual crease between his eyebrows and a patient look on his face. His legs looked nice, and he was wearing a blue shirt that had faded print on it, so much that it was basically wordless. I knew he couldn't have heard me coming, and I took him by surpise when I wrapped my arms around his shoulders as tight as I could, shoving my face into his collarbone and trying to control my breathing. It was suffocating really, and I wanted to tell him everything I was feeling and why I wanted to cry and how much I wanted to relapse, but I just pushed my tears down and focused on the feeling of his arms around my waist.