Smoke In The Rain

Visiting hours

JJ's POV
After dropping Lindsay off at her apartment I decided to go back to the one place I call home...... Spencer's house.
I haven't sold it yet, I've tried but I can't let go of him. His house is the last thing I have to remember him by. And I'm certainly not ready yet, I don't think I'll ever be ready.
I push the key into the slot and turn the handle. I push open the door and kick off my shoes, closing the door behind me. Walking over to the couch I plop down and stare up at the ceiling.
Flashback
I sob my face off as I place a rose on the casket, Henry following behind. I kiss my hand and place it on the wood, "I love you so much."
"Would you like to watch us lower the casket or would you like us to do that later," the preist asks.
I look down at Henry and he whispers,"I want to watch spence go."
"We'll stay," I say as I wipe my eyes.
"Ok," he says and walks away telling the graveyard man.
Spence slowly goes down with our roses on-top.
"I love you," I whisper one last time before I can't see his casket anymore.
I let out a giant sob before Morgan wraps me in a hug.
"Shh, it's ok." He tries to soothe.
"No! If it was okay I wouldn't be seeing my husband being buried!" I scream and rip out of his grasp pushing him away before running into an SUV and driving away leaving Henry with the team.
"WHY!" I scream and pound on the steering wheel.
"WHY YOU SPENCE! WHY THE HELL DID HE TAKE YOU!" I scream.

End of flashback.

My shirt is soaked, and my mascara is in two streams down my face.
Its too painful. Remembering him without breaking into hysterics. It's too painful trying to forget someone that gave you so much to remember.

         I wish there were visiting
                       In heaven