Smoke In The Rain

Get Out!

JJ's POV
"Please JJ! Let me explain." Spencer cries.
"No! I will never let you be apart of our lives again!" I say as a thrash around in my sleep.
"Please." He whimpers.
I wake up with a start, 6:34 it reads on the clock. At least I can get up and do something instead of having more of those dreams.
I roll out of bed grabbing my towels off of my door and walking into the bathroom. Turning on the shower but before hopping in I turn on some music. I Can't Tell You Why, by the Eagles turns on and it immediately brings back the events of last night.
I so badly want to let him back into our lives, my life, but I can't. He lied to me. He made my life fall apart. He let me think he was dead. He let me think my life was over. He let Henry think his dad was gone for good. And now he lets me have to explain to an eight year old boy that his dad isn't actually dead.
I just want everything to go back to the way it was before all of this happened. When nothing was wrong. When everyone loved everyone. When the truth was known to everyone. When I had a family and not just Henry.

I turn off the shower and wrap myself in my towels and exit the room. I lie on my bed and start to think about the man that was on my doorstep last night. I don' t understand why he thinks he can leave our lives for so long and then think,"Oh! I can go back to the people who think I'm dead and they'll love me again!" He's supposed to be a genius for heavens sake! Like what actually made this man think everything would be hunky dory? So perfect? Did he think we'd all just forget? No he couldn't have just-. I stop myself right there. He couldn't have come back from the dead. It's impossible!

I just want to let him love me again, to love him again. I just want to be whole again. To live again. To laugh again. To love again.
Before I even know what I'm doing I'm opening the door. "Five minutes," I say and let him inside.
"Jennifer please just forgive me. I couldn't stay here. It wasn't safe for me nor you and Henry," he starts.
"Why didn't you tell me before you just disappeared Spencer! We all thought you were dead! I lived in hell for so long because you were such a great part of my life, then you let me believe you died! How do you expect me to just forgive you and act like nothing happened?!" I practically yell at him.
"I know I fucked up! I know that! But you don't think I missed you guys?! You don't think that I struggled to stay away from you guys?! It was just as hard for me, as it was for you! If I could've I would have never left! Ok?! Strauss made me leave! She said I wasn't safe here and if I wanted to live and to keep you two safe, I had to go!" He finishes and tears begin to make their way down his cheeks.
I don't know how to react. Strauss made him leave. She made my life hell. She knew this whole time and didn't even think to mention it. She is the reason for all of this. My countless sleepless nights. My tears. My loneliness. Making my life crumble around me. She's the reason.
"Why don't you understand me! Say something yell at me! Tell me to get out! Do something!" He yells through sobs.
"Why," I whisper.
"Why what?" He cries.
"Why did she make you leave."
"Because Will wasn't dead. He still had connections and plans to finish me. To finish all of us. He wanted us dead and you to himself. He always wanted you Jennifer. He was planning to kill me and the team and Henry, and take you away. So that's why I had to leave."
"Your lying." I whisper.
"What!"
"You lying bastard! Will was dead! I saw him die! That's not why you left! Strauss isn't the reason for this! YOU LEFT BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T LOVE ME! YOU DIDN'T LOVE US!" I scream.
"GET OUT!" I yell!
"Jennifer ple-" he pleads.
"GET OUT!" I scream through tears.
"Please," he begs and cries his way to the door.
"Don't ever come back!" I slam the door in his face and walk over to the couch.
I crawl into a ball and cry myself to sleep.
He never loved me. He never loved us. He left because he hated me. He only came back to make me feel worse. He never loved me.
He never loved me. He never loved me.
He never loved me. The words repeat in my head until I fall asleep, soaked in my own tears.

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Yay! An update-that probably won't get read! Guys please answer me-why are half of you guys ghosts?! I never get any votes nor comments from you! Please comment and vote! It means the world to read kind comments about my books. If you could ghosties, please either comment or vote, or both! Also thanks to all of the people that vote and comment constantly, it means a lot!Thanks everyone, and luv yah!💗