Smoke In The Rain

Its a See You Later

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⚠️Emotional chapter. Suicidal thoughts, swearing Skip if you want⚠️
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Two years. Two damn years since he's be gone. And I'm still crying over him. Yes, it's ok the cry sometimes. It doesn't make you weak it makes you stronger. Or time heals all wounds. Or my favourite on, Don't worry it'll get better. Well that's BULLSHIT! NEWS FLASH IT ONLY GETS WORSE. The time, the distance, the pain, ya it only makes it worse. Knowing that you an never hug them again let alone hear their voice, it's torture. Sometimes I wonder if it'd be easier just to die. One day I'll test that theory. Maybe sooner then later.
People don't get it! They don't understand how hard this is. Loosing my husband due to my ex! They don't know what goes through my head everyday. The thoughts of suicide just so I can be with him, the painful memories that flood through my mind every time I hear his name, and worse of all the nightmares that I have. It's like re-living the moment. Feeling his ice cold hand on my warm hand. His eyelids still half open, I could still see his brown eyes. They covered him up! MORGAN COVERED HIM! I WANTED TO SEE HIM! MY LAST MOMENTS WITH HIM WERE WITH A TOWEL OVER HIS FACE! How the hell do I cope with that! With not being able to see his smile again, his voice that I'd kill to hear. I'd rather go through a divorce, because then at least he'd still be HERE WITH HENRY! But it's too late now, it's too late to save him, or me. The funeral flashbacks. Seeing him in a casket with makeup on so he doesn't look like a ghost. Watching him be lowered into the Earth. Knowing that the bugs probably ate all of his skin, now he's all bone, decomposing, becoming the Earth.
All of the 720 days he's been gone the same question had been floating around inside of my head, out of the 7,376,097,969+ people, why was it him? And I still haven't found out the answer. I'm starting to think I never will. So for now, I'll say see you later, not goodbye because it's not a goodbye. I'll see him again one day. So see you later Spencer Reid.