Smoke In The Rain

Heaven

JJ's POV
I wake up around 1:10pm, trying to free my eyes from all of the dried tears that closed them. The only thing I distinctly remember from earlier is mine and Reid's fight, that's it. Well; I probably didn't do anything before that, but still.
I check my phone and see three missed calls from Em, two texts from Penny and 8 texts from Spencer and 13 missed calls from him too. Instead of replying to anyone I throw my phone back down on the table and throw myself back at the couch.
Why is life so confusing! I hate it! Rose had it so easy, she doesn't have to do anything but relax and watch over us! I bet if I died too it'd much easier.
I could do whatever I wanted, and not have any consequences. Live freely and not have a care in the heavens. Laugh uncontrollably and not even care. It'd be so much simpler. Besides then I could see everyone again. Rose, Dad, my Aunt Mandy, my little cousin Harley, Grandma and Grandpa. Everyone. See them all again and never have to say that one word. Goodbye. It would just be, simply amazing.
But what about Henry. Where would he go? What would he do? Would he know what happened to me? Would he understand? Would he try to talk to me? What would he do without me? How would he deal with it?
But I give up one amazingly important thing in my life, for what? Closure. More love? But it would be so nice to go to heaven and have a better "life".
To be honest with myself, I would choose death over my life right now. I know what everyone would say,"it was too early" I miss her so much" "this is hell". But would anyone really, truly care?
What if I talked to them? Then they could tell that I'm ok! But what if it's all fake? Heaven and Hell. What if nothing actually happens after you die? Is it just nothing? Only if we could go there and then come back if we wanted. Only if...