I Miss You // Luke Hemmings | ✔️

~Twelve~

•Khy's POV•

Mikey had never left my side, I wasn't always with it but I know he would never leave. He still checks everyday to see if I have any new blades, I do, I haven't used them yet but I've put them where he won't find them. I want to not have to use them but it's a kind of addiction.

As usual I spent my day getting drunk. Last week Mikey and the boys forced me out the house to go see a Bereavement Counsellor, I have refused to go again because it's just the same everywhere you go. Stupid questions that really have no relevance and if they really were interested would just read up on my notes from my therapist.

I can tell Mikey is hiding his emotions for my sake. He doesn't want to give me more reasons to be depressed or whatever you call this. He tries so hard for me, I never really respond much anymore though.

I've started to question why the guys all try so hard for me. In my eyes I'm beyond help...

"Khy, you hungry?" Mikey calls from the kitchen. The thought of food makes me feel sick "no". He comes in and sits down beside me, I look at him and he sighs "you haven't eaten for three days" he states. I shrug "I don't feel hungry". He cuddles me "Khy, you don't need to keep doing this. Please, let me help you. Go back to the counsellor or something babe?"

I glare at him "I'm not going back, they're pointless Michael! P.O.I.N.T.L.E.S.S!" I shout at him, probably the first time I've showed any other emotion for weeks.

He looks taken back by my sudden burst. "Okay..." He gets up and walks off. At that point I should've calmed down and shut up again but I carried on.

"You know what Mikey, just leave. I'm fine alone, I don't need a baby sitter  and I don't need a boyfriend coz I had one of those, I loved him. I still do and you'll never be him no matter how hard you try..."

I shouldn't have said that, part of me knew I wouldn't have said to Mikey ever but of course the only part of me that was active right now was the drunk part of me that had just made a huge mistake. The part of me that craved those blades that I'd hidden was starting to creep out, or at least was trying to and slowly succeeding.

I heard the door slam when I finished my rant. He had gone. I was alone, he promised I would never be alone but I was and he'd left and it was all my stupid fault.

I decided to get a shower. I brought a blade out and was going to drag it across my wrist when I decided not to. Instead I just got out and dried off, I got into Mikey's old t-shirt and some nickers and got into bed.

***

I woke up alone and wondering where Mikey was checked my phone. I was so drunk last night I didn't remember what I even did. I had a text from last night.

"From Mikey:

You're right, I'm not Luke and won't ever be. You really hurt me tonight Khy, I don't think anything has ever felt like someone stabbing a shard of glass into my heart before, until you said what you did.

I'm guessing we're over, I don't know if I can see you again after that. You've really changed Khy, I don't like it, I don't like you hurting. I wanted to help you, make you better because I loved you, I still do but like you said you 'don't need a boyfriend'.

Mikey."

Tears were pouring down my face, what the fuck did I do? Oh god! I immediately started typing back to Mikey, my vision blurred with endless tears.

"To Mikey:

Mikey, I'm so so really sorry. I can't say how sorry I am, I feel like a stupid bitch and I'm so scared of losing you.

I didn't mean what I said, I was drunk. I don't know what I'm saying in that state, you know what I'm like. It just comes out and there's no stopping it.

You probably hate me but the truth is I can't do anything without you. I need you, I've said it before, I really need you. Please forgive me Mikey.

I love you.

Khy x"

I press send and sit in complete silence for what feels like forever. Eventually I see his name pop up on my phone.

"From Mikey:

It will take more than just sorry Khy. I will forgive you but slowly, coz you really did hurt me. I will always love you but I need some space.

I've gone away with Cal to Perth for a few weeks. Ash is around if you need him, he's happy to take care of you while I'm gone.

See you when I'm back.

Mikey."

He's gone? Left Ash to look after me, well at least they didn't all leave me. He never mentioned about going to Perth before unless it was a spur of the moment decision. I started to feel even lonelier, I let silent tears fall.

My phone began to ring, I got excited hoping it was Mikey but it was Ash on the caller ID.

"Hey Khy, are you okay?" He asked straight away when I answered.

"Not really Ash. He's gone..."

"What happened? Why did he leave with Cal in such a hurry last night?"

"We had a huge fight, bigger than any. I was drunk said stuff I didn't mean, it really hurt him. He told me he needed space but Ash, I don't know if I'm even with him anymore..." I sigh as I hold back the tears that want to escape.

"Want me to come over?"

"Yeah, I feel lonely Ash. He promised I would never be alone..."

"You're not alone, you have me and Cal and most of all Mikey, he loves you. Just let him have his space, he'll come back"

We hung up and Ash told me he'd be over as soon as he could. I just had to wait.