Relapse;Signs

Clockwork

January 26th, 2009

"Allen, the set needs to be higher, you're not getting the height for your double twisting double." Coach told me. Well, more like yelled at me. I nodded to show I got the correction. It was stuff I knew. I had the bad form when twisting, it was the way I learned so now I have to fix it. I walk to the adjacent corner and stand behind Adrian. He went and did his double twisting double tuck. A skill I could only dream of doing. He landed with a few steps back, but not much.

"Allen, you could learn a few things from Adrian. He's got it down." Coach told me. I nod again, breathe, and run, hurdle, round off, handspring, set, then start the flips, twist the first, pike the second. I landed with a hop backwards and then stand.

"How was that?" I asked. Coach shrugged.

"It was better, but not great." He said. Adrian was by the side of the floor, he looked confused.

"I thought it looked great, your height was phenomenal." Adrian said.

"Thanks." I said. Discouraged. I sighed, walked to get a drink and my granola bar for a snack. Adrian sat down by the locker area. I follow, but not without remarks from coach.

"I wouldn't eat that if I were you. It'll just weigh you down." He said. I looked down. My cheeks were red. I put the wrapped bar down.

"Dude, don't listen to what he said." Adrian told me. I shake my head.

"No. It's ok. I'm ok, really." I say, and I slink away into the bathroom. The practice ended with some pommel horse and high bar. The practice ended, and I was packing up to get ready to go home. I was tired for sure.

"Hey Allen, I need you in my office for a second." Coach said. I felt didn't know what he was meaning, but I followed, my heart beating fast, not knowing what to think about.

"What do you need?" I asked. Coach pulled out a scale. I didn't even know he had one. My heart raced faster.

"You're tumbling seems slow and low. It's a chance that this is holding you back." Coach told me. I watched him motion for me to step on. Trembling, I do as such. He looks down.

"How tall are you?" Coach asked.

"5'4." I said. He shook his head in what seemed like disappointment.

"You're 115. There's your problem. You'll need to lose five pounds before you can perform at peak again." He said. I nodded.

"I'll do that." I say. He smiles.

"Good. I hope to see you performance improve." He said. I walk back out. I was almost in tears, I didn't know how to do this. No 12 year old should know how to do this. I knew it had to do with food. Eat less or something. It made sense to me, don't eat, lose weight. I guess I knew what I had to do. It was going to suck, I knew that, but it was worth the success. I walked out to find my mom standing there, I hug her, relieved to see her.

"Hey, everything ok?" She asked. I nod.

"Yeah, sorry." I said.

(March 12, 2009)

We had an early morning in the hotel. I was with Adrian and my family. We were at the meet that dictated whether we made it to regionals or not, so it was pretty big. I got out of bed at six, after mom had shaken me awake.

"Allen, we need to get ready and go if you want to make it at seven." She told me. I groan and walk into the bathroom, still half naked and only in my boxers. I brush my teeth, grab my meet uniform and warm-ups. I slipped them on, they felt looser, it meant one thing. My body was smaller. I had lost weight. I didn't know how much, but it was definitely noticeable. I smiled, the success made me happy. It was nice to succeed at something for once, ya know. I grab my bag, which had my grips, tape and water, then we go down to the breakfast area. I looked at it all. I was overwhelmed. I panicked.