Life Goes On (A Hunter Hayes Fanfiction, Book 2 of the Hardships Saga)

Chapter Fifty-Six

❝beginning (pronounced bɪˈɡɪnɪŋ or bih-ginn-ing), noun
the act of starting something new.❞

"Hey, Hunt. There's... there's something I have to talk to you about." Lilly took another deep breath, before saying, "So, it's a few days before my birthday. We're going out to celebrate. I don't know what we're gonna do. Knowing you, it'll be something spectacular." She gulped, looking down. "Our twins... they're due next month. And that's the only reason I'm here at all, making this video for you. When you find this, I'll be dead. You'll be angry, maybe. Sad. Maybe you'll be relieved. I don't know. I just needed to tell you why.

"We... we had a good run. But it's gotten to the point where I can't even function. Life... it has no meaning to me anymore. I was so desperate to get pregnant, I thought that would help. But it hasn't. And I've made my decision. I'm so sorry. I wanted to help you raise the twins, but how could I? I don't want to be the mother to them that my mother was to me. My depression, it's... it's all I can do to not kill myself right now. I need to make sure that you're happy. You've sacrificed too much for me. And that is why I'm going to do it. Maybe once the twins are born, I'll wait a week. You'll know if I stuck to that promise." She smiled slightly at the camera. "After all, you've always been the person who knew me best.

"I... I thought I'd know exactly what I'd say when I made this video. I'd make sure that you know I love you, and I'd make sure that there'd be something for my baby girls to look at. But now I don't know. I love you so much, and it hurts to know that... you won't be mine anymore. You can say it all you like, but you'll get over me. You'll know my flaws in good time. You'll find another woman. And that hurts to say, but somehow... I don't even mind. You deserve better than me. You always have. And this woman, I promise you, Hunt, she'll have perfect hair and the perfect body and all the perfect attributes to be called yours. But most of all, my love, she'll never hurt you. Not like I have. Not like I always will. This is the only way.

"Hunter, I know you'll get angry when you see this video. Maybe it'll even be the thing to tip you over the edge of depression. But I hope, I really hope that you have a beautiful woman sleeping in your bedroom, and our twins sleeping in theirs, while you watch this." She tilted her head slightly, as though she was listening to something. "I think you just came out of the shower."

"Lilly, where are you?" called a voice in the video, and Hunter let out a cry, as though he had been wounded.

She hesitated before answering. "In your studio, Hunt, I think I left my glasses in here," she responded, a single tear falling from her grey eyes.

"Alright."

She looked back at the camera, wiping her tears. "I love you. Look after Adriana and Eleanor for me. I know you'll do an amazing job. They'll grow up to be beautiful young people. I trust you with that. But until then... see you on the other side."

The video finished, and Ryan and Hunter both stared blankly at the screen. "Elle... Eleanor," whispered Ryan. "Her name was meant to be Eleanor. It means 'light'. Adriana means 'dark'. My parents considered both names when they were naming Winnie."

Hunter stood up. His face was void of expression. "I remember that day," he said. His voice was a monotone, and it worried Ryan. "She went into false labour. She told me that she wanted one twin to be named Adriana, and she never told me the other name." He let out a humourless laugh. "Eleanor. The girl sitting in that hospital is meant to be named Eleanor. I suppose Elle is fitting, though. Incomplete. Wrong. It's perfect for a guy like me."

He closed the laptop, and picked it up, examining it. She could see the tension in his back muscles and his arms. "B-Bluejay?" she breathed. "Please, look at me. Put the laptop down."