Forced Vows

Bad decisions galore

Stone Cold, Stone Cold, You see me standing but I'm dying on the floor.

Falling asleep on the bathroom floor isn't a very good idea.

Nope it definitely wasn't. I lasted five minutes before Evelyn's knock, (and the floor) woke me up. I stared blankly at the toilet for a bit and pushed myself up trying to ignore the strangely hollow feeling inside of me. There seemed to be a permanent lump in my throat.

"Hazel?" His voice was soft, it almost sounded like he cared. But he had Hazel. Don't be stupid. No-one can fake being in... love... whatever it was- can they? I shifted next to the radiator only then realizing that my face was wet. Again. I hadn't even known there was that much water inside of me.

"Yes?" I asked, much to my despair my voice still shook. "what is it?" I asked trying to take out any emotion out of it.

"Can you come out?" Another silence from my side.

"I'm having a shower... bath." I muttered, loud enough for him to hear.

"Oh." Evelyn didn't seem to move from outside the door. "Do you have any clothes to change into?" He asked shortly.

"I... do." I glanced at the door where my night clothes hung.

"Hazel can we just talk-" I turned the tap on more to drown out his voice. It seemed like Evelyn was slumped outside the door.

"Keep the door open." He said finally, his voice resigned, weary.

"I'm not going to try anything Eve-" I stopped, finding it, for some reason, hard to say his name.

"I don't know that." He said softly, I could barely hear his voice.

"You think I'll kill myself?" I hissed, still no reply. "I wouldn't kill myself because of you." I said finally, watching the water fill up inside the bath tub.

"Please Hazel, just keep the door open." I eyed the door.

"I wouldn't... you don't understand..." My voice was quiet, I wondered if he could hear it. "I wouldn't feel comfortable." I said finally, truthfully.

He sighed.

"I don't know how you could think that I would hurt myself because of something you've done" I said, trying to keep my voice firm. "I'm not a lost case. I've gotten through worse, and I can look after myself." I added more to myself.

"Say something once a minute," Evelyn decided.

I glared at the door. Hah! As if he cares! The only reason he doesn't want me dead is because then there'll be an incomplete, unsuccessful tick on his assignment.

Having a bath was a good idea. It meant the waterfall inside my eyes could fall in peace, and not be heard. Even I was getting annoyed at myself. When had I become so emotional? Since your heart was broken, crushed on, and lit on fire.

But it's happened before! I argued with myself. My heart's broken before! In fact my heart should be so broken that no one should be able to break it anymore. So why is this so much worse?

I didn't let myself think about that.

I pushed the glass around me, so the walls around me merged into a blur of colours.

"Hazel?"

"What,"

"Just checking"

"That I haven't killed myself?" I said bluntly. "Don't you worry, I won't let your hard work go to waste." I couldn't help the bitterness seep into my voice.