dear diary ✧ phan

January 7th, 2018

Dear Diary,

Hey Dan, it's Phil. You're lay in your hospital bed fast asleep, and you have no idea I'm here. By the time you wake up, I'll be gone from here. I don't know where I'll be, but I can imagine I'll be the last person you want to see when you next open your eyes.

The doctors called me after they dragged you down from the roof last night. What the hell were you thinking? You have so, so much potential; you can't just throw everything away because of a stupid mistake I've made.

I found the letter you wrote to me, it was tucked into the back of your diary. I promise I wasn't snooping, but I saw my name scribbled on the front and I had to open it.

Truth is, I'm sorry about everything. I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm sorry I betrayed you, and I'm sorry I've gone about things the way I have. I'm an idiot and a fool and I completely understand if you never want to see me again.

What I did never meant anything. I was drunk and I got carried away; I didn't know what I was doing. There is nothing I want more than to be able to go back in time and take back everything. I wish I could go back to our wedding day and start over. I'd set up a better future for Dil, and I'd make sure I never let you down and I'd make sure you were always happy. Your happiness is what reassures me that I'm doing something right in my life.

You will never, ever understand how much you mean to me. Words will never be able to justify my love for you. It sounds so cliche and I understand if you don't believe a word I say. But please, please try to understand that I truly am sorry for what I've done, and I never wanted to hurt you. It was a mistake, I accept that.

You mean too much for me to lose. I can't walk away without at least trying to fight for you; for our family.

I love you. I'm sorry. Text me when you see this; we need to talk. Please.

Phil x