iMessage''l.h

fifteen

we got back from tour four months ago. Luke still came to my house even thought he barely had time for it. we were growing apart and I spent most of my time crying or doing school work so I could get into a good college. Luke said that they had a new album to work on. no one cared that I had a song I wrote awhile ago for them that would fit in well. I was home alone right now. my mum and dad went on a business trip for the month. mum knew something was up with me. she didn't ask me about it anymore after I had yelled at her for asking.

I was trying to write an essay for class but I ended up in a ball on the floor. I cried and cried trying to catch my breath. why is this happening? Luke probably isn't having any trouble with coping and I'm sitting here trying to keep myself together. I called him yesterday to see if I could hear any of their new songs to have Calum hang up the phone for him. I decided that I would try to text him and see what he was up to. we haven't been on a date lately and I've missed him lately.

to Luke:

i have something for you

there was no response. I sat there staring at the screen. he never texted back immediately anymore. he was too busy with his band. it's not like I'm more important than his band though. I shouldn't take it so personally. I picked up my essay and tried to focus again. I blasted some music to help. amnesia came on my playlist. I screamed and threw it across the room. I threw all my other books that were covered around me and shattered a lamp across the room.

I grabbed my phone and turned off the music. I looked through my messages and saw one from my mum asking me how everything was going. I ignored her and looked to see that Luke had read my message. I cried and screamed harder. why was this happening? it couldn't be because he didn't care for me. he had told me so many times before that he did care for me with all he could manage. I took off his t-shirt and threw it on the floor. I tugged at my hair and sat there in my underwear.

I screamed loud enough that my neighbours would hear and probably call the cops. I didn't care right now. I was in so much pain that I didn't mind if the cops came. maybe they would help me and calm me down. my throat was numb after an hour of crying and screaming. I punched and clawed at my pillow until feathers flew all over my room. I checked my phone again to see if he answered.

from Luke:

I'll be over in about 30 minutes. coming through the front door.

the text was from 35 minutes ago. I opened my eyes wide at the realization. he was probably downstairs and heard me crying and yelling. if he wasn't here yet it still didn't give me enough time to look decent. he probably only agreed to come so he could break up with me. I clawed at my eyes at the thought. I cried louder. I stood up to walk around my room. this was so frustrating. I growled and punched hard at the wall.

my fist went through and I let it rest there for a moment. there was no pain that I could feel. the numbness wouldn't let me feel anything. I pulled my fist from the hole and saw cuts and blood covering my fist. I punched and punched the wall, not caring what damage I caused. this wasn't even me. I was never violent and i never had anger issues. when the pain hit me I sucked in a lung full of air.

I fell to the ground and held my hand to my chest. I didn't cry this time. there were no tears left to cry. "Adalynn?" I heard Luke's voice from downstairs. I gasped and crawled towards the hallway bathroom. I slammed the door by accident. "shit." I heard Luke's footsteps and then he knocked on the door. he opened the door and I tried to hide behind it.

"Adalynn I can see you." I scooted out from behind the door. he looked down at me. "was that you screaming and crying? I could hear you outside." I looked down and didn't answer. he saw my hand and ran to me. "what happened?!" he cleaned my cuts and I told him what had happened. "you thought I only agreed to come so I could break up with you? Adalynn it's been five months and I love you so much. I've been busy with the new album lately. I've been trying to be with you here but we are always working. I'm sorry love."

I nodded and he kissed me quickly. he picked me up and looked me up and down. "where are you clothes?" he smirked at me. "on the floor. your shirt made me sad." he nodded and held me. I put my hands under his shirt to touch his warm chest. he picked me up and took me to put on some clothes. I laid flat on my back as he got some shorts and a shirt. I played helpless so he would put my clothes on for me.

I still wasn't reassured but I felt a little better about it. he didn't put my shirt on for me. "why didn't you put my shirt on me?" "I didn't want to touch your chest and make you uncomfortable." I nodded and he helped me up. he told me we were staying at his. I didn't mind staying with him. "I love you Luke."

"i love you too."

_______

there isn't much to say. i might not be able to update a lot lately because i have another book project to do. I actually have to make a book like the house on mango street. so i have to make vignettes for it about my life. the book is actually really sad. i wouldn't say that it was one of my favorites. it wasn't very detailed because it was being told in the POV of a 12 year old girl. it was an okay book. i wouldn't recommend it unless you like sad books. i love you guys and ill see you whenever i post next time. don't forget to comment and vote xx!