Seeing you like this (BTS Rapmonster/ Namjoon fanfic)

You might ask.. Why are you mad?

That's the last mail she ever sent me. Then it was over. I tried to mail her back but then what was I supposed to say? All the mails went to trash before I could win over myself to click the 'send' button. I was a coward, I was scared of her now. Scared of life as well without her. She was the one who kept me from falling down on the ground, and only after she left, I realized how important she was for me, but then she left me. So.. I was mad... 

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I decided to forget everything, ad start those pills again. They were long gone in the boxes where I put my old stuff. I take one out as I get downstairs, greeted by the good smell of Jin hying's cooking. 

"How you feeling Namjoon?" he asks as he comes towards me with healthy just made 100% pure orange juice. 

"Good mom. Feeling better." I say as I chuckle a bit. 

"Mhmm.. You better." he says as he pats me on the back. 

"Woah...! Wait.. Are those... What I think it is?" he asks as we turns back, seeing the medicine in my hand. 

"Uhh... What are you thinking?" I ask as I peel the cover, and put the medicine in my hand. 

"The one that you used to take..." he says.

"Yeah... Just... Things need to be cleared out of my head. It helps." I says as I let it sink in me as I head upstairs to shower. 

"Just.. Make sure you don't over do them." he says as he goes back to his breakfast making. 

"All good." I say as I give him the 'okay' sign with him smiling back at me. 

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"Care to explain?" J Hope asks as he knocks, and comes into my room. 

"Look around you." I say as I nod to the wall whee the picture of 'her' used to be plastered around everywhere, leaving no space for the white walls to be seen.

"Woah... o_o What happened to the posters!?" he asks as he moves closer to the wall to touch them, and make sure that I wasn't faking his eyes... -.-

"Just needed a change, and it was distracting anyways." I say as I roll my eyes at the torn pieces of the posters in the trash can.

"I thought she was the one you know... For you." he says as he shakes his head at the walls.

"Never." I say right after he finished his sentence. 

"I can see." he says as he leaves the room for me to think. 

I don't know. Now that she was now gone in my head for a while, and out of my life, it felt like the day I was in the airport. Once again, I felt lonely, and empty inside. Something was missing. Was it wrong for me to just leave hr down like that? I mean I was pretty mad at her for leaving me like this, but then she did care enough to write back... Even though it might have not been a nice one, comparing to how miserable I was. Maybe. I don't know, but all I know is that... If I could rewind and start over, this wouldn't ave happened to me. That's why people shouldn't say the word, never.