Sweaters || Malum

Chapter 1

Author's Note~First fan fiction on this account! I'm excited. These are some warnings of the book: Depression, self-harm, abuse, and swearing (not in the first chapter necessarily). But if you're not bothered by that continue reading~

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I sat down with my saxophone in hand and opened my folder to begin warming up. I turn around and say, "Luke!"

He looks away from his music, trumpet in his hand, and smiles at me. "Hey."

"I was wondering, my Mum was going to be at work and same with my Dad. We could hang out at my house if you wanted to." I inquire, hoping to not do something productive after school.

He smiles and replies, "Sounds fun. Are we walking or taking the bus to yours?"

"The bus is quicker, and it's the middle of November so it's a bit breezy outside." I tell him and then put my reed in my mouth. I look at my music, wondering what I should warm up with.

"If you don't have it, everybody go get your lyre and flip book!" The teacher, Mr. Carp, tells us. I quickly put my saxophone on my chair and join the small crowd of people heading into the auditorium. I look over and eye Michael Clifford - a percussionist. He had dyed black hair and was really shy, never really talking. I think it's cute, though.

I open the cabinet where the saxophones go and grab my flip book, then quickly go over to my case and grab my lyre. I go back into the band room and sit down. "We're going outside to practice marching so warm up with your scales and or your pep band music!" Mr. Carp tells us all. I take the reed out of my mouth and put it to my mouth piece, tightening it on there. I then put it on my saxophone and begin warming up.

Regular scales, a double octave chromatic scale, and a couple pep band songs later I was heading outside with my saxophone strapped around my neck. We line up in the parking lot and the percussionists begin playing their beat. Whenever they finished one run of it we were supposed to yell "huh!" but most people yell "Cal!"

I'm not sure if I enjoyed it but it was definitely entertaining.

--

"Michael you can't think like that." Ashton Irwin - a clarinet player - tells Michael. We were walking back into the school and though I knew it was wrong, I strain to listen in.

Ashton is one of the very few people Michael actually converses with.

"I just.. I-I wish I was good enough, y-you know?" Michael responds quietly and I frown at the thought of somebody not thinking they were good enough. Most everyone was good enough.

"You are. Just, ask him, yeah?" Ashton pushes Michael. I wasn't sure what they were talking about so I try to get a bit closer.

I see Michael physically shrug, and it seemed almost exaggerated. "He'll t-turn me down."

I go up to the two of them and say, "Hey Ash, Michael."

They turn to look at me and Michael looks back down almost immediately. "Hey, Calum." Ashton says, he doesn't seem very happy to see me but that was okay. I must get obnoxious sometimes.

"So I was wondering, if you guys wanted, Luke and I are hanging out at mine after school. There will be video games and snacks and shit, if you wanted to come and hang out?" I offer the two of them. Ashton was a really nice kid as well, he was in a few of my classes.

Ashton looks to me then Michael then back to me. He sighs and says, "We're not really.. friends?"

"Well, I mean, we could be." I urge.

"N-no thanks." Michael tells me, looking to Ashton.

"Maybe another time." Ashton tells me and he and Michael walk faster ahead of me.

I sigh and slow my pace down. I was now moping. People like me, but they don't really want to hang out with me. I wonder why that is. Maybe it's because I'm nice but not friend material, maybe? I don't know. I have Luke, and that's mainly it. Others I would sometimes consider and friend or maybe an acquaintance but Luke has been my best friend for years. He is the only person that knows everything about me and vice versa.

I could live with just Luke as my friend.

But for some reason, I wanted to get to know Michael more. Ashton was okay but for some reason I liked Michael. Maybe it's because I like shy guys.

As we go into the school I quicken my pace and catch up with them.

"Hey Mikey?" I call.

He turns around and I smile and immediately ask, "How about just you and I hang out? Like Friday? Not a date just like... friends?" I ask with a broad smile on my face. His eyes widen and I just continue standing there hopefully.

"I don't know the game you're playing at," Ashton begins and Michael stares at him, "but you're not going to do anything to Michael."

I was kind of taken aback, not knowing what to really do. "I wasn't?" Is all I say, not knowing where Ashton was coming from.

"Either way, it is a no." Ashton tells me.

"Well I wasn't asking you." I snap looking at Michael and he just shakes his head. Ashton lightly takes hold of Michael's upper arm and gently pulls him away. What did I do wrong? 

"Hey Cal?" I hear from behind me and I groan, annoying and slightly upset. I don't like being talked down to or people making me seem like a bad person when I've done nothing to hurt them. I see Luke with his trumpet in hand jogging up to me as we walk into the auditorium. "My Mum said I couldn't because my room is a 'mess'. So sorry, maybe next time?" Luke tells me with a frown on his face.

"Yeah, yeah. No problem." I smile.

"Cool." He says, going over to his case and putting his trumpet away.

I sigh and hear somebody say, "Poor Calum ain't going to get laid tonight. Ha, fag." And a couple laughs.

I don't know who said it. All I know was that the comment hurt me. I was openly gay, and Luke was bisexual with more of a leaning towards guys-but does have attraction towards girls. I act like I didn't hear it. For the most part, people like me. I am never rude. Then you have the occasional arse that will bully you for no reason whatsoever.

All I wanted to do was disappear.

I go over to my case and shakily put my saxophone away. The bell rings and I quickly put my things away and exit out the back auditorium door. The cool November breeze hits my face as I readjust my bag on my shoulder. I walk down the ramp and onto the front lawn, as I put my ear buds in my ears.

Fag.

Why am I so disliked sometimes? Of course I do not have it bad, not as bad as some people do. But it still hurts. One tear falls and I am quick to wipe it away. Showing anything but happiness is not something I do. At least, not around others.

As I am walking home I watch people through bus windows as they pass me. They are usually smiling, turned around in seats and talking to their friends. But I'm not like that. I have about a mile to walk from the school, but I should get the exercise anyhow. I wasn't in the mood to be around people, especially in a small area.

I smile thinking about Michael and how shy he was. But then frowned again when I realised I'd never have a chance with anybody; nevertheless somebody as attractive as Michael.