Sweaters || Malum

Chapter 7

Author's Note: Dedication to Michaelsclifaconda because she was commenting on previous chapters and I appreciate it so :)

Also, trigger warning.

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*Flashback*

"You would do that to yourself?" I asked Jack, looking at the faded white marks on his arms.

"Yup, it's good. It is a great stress reliever. You don't get too many repercussions of it unless you do it bad." He shrugs, pulling his sleeve down.

I frown but then think of the thought. "How does it relieve stress?" I question. I was stressed a lot.

No, cutting isn't a good thing. It is a bad thing. If you do it then no matter what you will have regrets. It will have repercussions. I tap my foot anxiously for his answer. He sighs and replies, "It makes you forget about everything for a little while. Forget about your issues." 

Suddenly his Mum's car pulls up and he waves goodbye to me.

"I'm going to miss you." I tell him.

"See you, bro." He smiles sadly.

He was moving to England, away from Sydney. He was my only friend. So I go back inside and my father is drinking his liquor in the kitchen. I roll my eyes at his stupidity and wished my Mum was home. He hardly ever got drunk when she was here. He would sometimes be drunk when she came home but she refused to allow his drinking habits to continue whilst being home.

"Oh it's you." He slurs putting his glass bottle down. I look down and begin to go upstairs. "I saw your grades, Calum. You're already failing year 9? It's only been a month!" He shouts and I flinch.

I was fourteen.

He comes over to me and he raises his fist and before I knew what he was really doing his fist hits the side of my face. I fall to the ground holding my face and begin crying. He has done this a few times before. Eight other times.

"F-Father I didn't mean to. I am just falling b-behind." I cry, making up excuses. I don't do my homework because I am too stressed. I don't pay attention in school because I need to focus on something that will not raise my anxiety levels.

He just laughs at me and walks away. I slowly get up from the ground, still holding my face and run upstairs. I go into my personal bathroom and take out one of my razors. I never thought I would be doing this. I shouldn't. Maybe Jack was wrong.

But I find a way to break it apart, even with shaky hands and tearful eyes.

I place the cool sharp metal to my wrist and slowly drag it across. I wince and take the blade off and look at what I just did. It didn't feel good, well, not at first.

It was painful then I watched the one drop of blood form from the small cut. The tension in my chest begins to go away as I turn on the sink and wash it out. I glance at the three small blades. I quickly take them and go into my room and look around. I open my desk drawer and take out a small metal box with a 'C' engraved on it. Inside was what my Mum gave me a couple years ago.

I open the small box and take out the three autographed guitar picks. I smile at it, remembering how my Mum introduced me to Blink-182 and I fell in love. I put them on my desk and then replace them with the razors. Happiness for destruction, I guess.

*Flashback Over*

--

I frown at the memory as Michael and I sit in silence. Luke and Ashton have been gone for twenty minutes and we quickly ran out of things to talk about.

"So um, where do you want to go? If you want to go somewhere. You know." I awkwardly say to Michael, silently cursing myself out in my head.

"Newbury C-Comics?" He suggests and I nod my head.

"They have great band posters." I smile and I get up and grab my tray. "Are you done or would you like to stay here for a bit?" I ask him, gesturing towards his food.

"I'm done, t-thanks." He quietly replies with a small smile.

I grab his tray as well and throw the food on them out and place the trays atop the trashcans.

I go back to the table and Michael was putting his phone in his back pocket and he was pushing his chair in. We walk to Newbury Comics together, not a word exchanged between the two of us until we got there. "What kind of bands do you like, Mikey?" I ask, looking around at the geek things.

"U-Um, All Time Low, Sleeping With Sirens, P-Pierce the Veil, Black V-Veil Brides, Nirvana, B-Blink 182, Good Charlotte, S-Sum-41." He lists off, looking to the ground. He go to the back right corner of the store in search of posters.

"I like some of those bands." I tell him and we both smile.

While looking through some posters I found a good Pierce the Veil one. I grab one from underneath and turn to Michael. "Is this one cool?" 

He nods and looks away. 

"You should get one." I suggest, looking at the posters.

"I don't have any m-money." He tells me.

"Oh I can buy you one if you want." I assure him, feeling bad. I wouldn't want to shop and him find something that he would want but not be able to get it. Besides I still have about fifty dollars left.

He shakes his head but doesn't verbalize any response. "I'm doing it. We're not leaving until I make sure you've at least gotten one thing. I would feel bad." I pout and poke his nose. He moves away and turns around but I could see how his cheeks got red.

So he gets himself two posters, one Sleeping With Sirens and the other The All-American Rejects.

He looked happy going through the designed papers. I go up behind him and wrap my arms around him. He jumps and tenses. "Calum what are you d-doing?" He whispers.

"Trying to cuddle with a cutie." I whisper back and I see his grin but he gently tries getting away from my grip. Luke makes me happy and all, but there is something about Michael that gives me butterflies and hope. It's a different kind of happy, the kind I want to experience all the time.