Sweaters || Malum

Chapter 3

I dedicated this chapter to FourAussieIDIOTS because they voted and commented on the last two chapters and I really appreciate it. Also, love your username~

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The next morning I dragged myself out of bed, looking at my blood stained skin with a small smile. I go over to the bathroom and see that I have a large bruise on my jaw and I come up with some form of excuse. Nobody could know what happens here. I never share my home life with anybody.

Not even Luke. He'll leave me.

I get into a hot shower and wince as the water goes over my cuts. I take them out of the water, breathing heavily, holding back tears. Why do I cut so deep?

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"Hey Cal, so I was wondering if you'd like to study with me after school for our history test." Luke suggests as we sit together in our AP English class.

"Yeah, sounds good." I smile, holding onto the end of my sleeves.

Today I wore dark colors, not that it was a bad thing. I sometimes did this because I was too unhappy to pretend that I was fine. I had on a black All Time Low shirt with their skeleton logo on it, black skinny jeans, and an unzipped sweatshirt. I also had a Bring Me The Horizon beanie on.

I wasn't emo, I just liked band merchandise.

AP English was the last class of the day and we began talking about a short story in our literary books. I was kind of quiet in the class, and my intellect level felt so low compared to everybody else in the classroom. "So in this short story, you can get a lot from the character. Why do you think he ends up shooting himself based on your own analysis and evidence to back up the statement?" Mr. Folsom questioned.

I raise my hand and he calls on me. I quietly say, "When he was in the elevator and tried making conversation, the woman shrugged him off. He seems to be very isolated and unhappy with the life he is pursuing."

"Well, yes. But, you gave no evidence as to why you believed that he was unhappy with his life and failed to give more evidence as to why he felt isolated." Mr. Folsom frowned and called on somebody else. My heart dropped and I just.. what was he really looking for? He was an isolated person. He was unhappy. I mean..

There was no use.

I shouldn't have signed up for such a high level class anyhow.

As the discussion went on I was slumped in my seat, every once and a while exchanging a few words with Luke. The bell rang and he and I left and walked down the hall together. "So I did what I needed to yesterday so you wanna come over?" Luke asks me.

I nod but then I see Michael at the end of the hall. He wasn't with Ashton. "Just, wait a moment." I tell him and go over to Michael. "Hey cutie." I smile as I near him and he ignores me.

"Michael."

"Babe."

"Love."

I begin calling him different names and he turns around and looks up at me - he almost looked frightened. My heart ached thinking somebody could be scared of me. "How are you today?" I smile and put my arm on his shoulder.

"I-I'm okay." He smiles weakly and then speeds up and gets away from me.

"Michael, why don't you like me?" I ask him curiously, feeling a bit rejected.

He shrugs and continues walking. I continue following him and say, "If I ever did anything I.. I don't want you to be upset or scared around me. I am not a mean person and if I ever do anything wrong call me out on it so I can fix the mistake."

My mind always goes to how I can blame myself. What I did wrong.

Michael stops and looks at me once again and I smile, admiring his features. His messy dyed hair, sticking in different directions and falling in his face. I also admire his blue-green eyes, looking at me with such innocence. "You didn't d-do anything. I just.. don't like people with b-big egos?" He almost forms this like a question and I frown.

"I don't have an ego." I deny, getting defensive.

"Y-you're popular, doesn't an ego g-go along with it?" He inquires. I frown, do I come across as rude? Egotistical?

I tap my foot trying to think of a response. "Well, I don't mean to if I come across that way. I don't think that I do but that isn't my place to really give myself a criticism that isn't bias; if that makes any sense. But hey, to think of it, you're in my history class. Luke and I were going to go study for that test we have tomorrow if you want to come over to his and study? We may play video games after, eat some snacks, have fun. Luke probably wants to start walking. If you want to come we'll be happy to have you." I offer, hoping that he'd say yes.

Instead, he answers, "I'm hanging out with Ashton. S-Sorry. Bye, Calum."

With that he walks away again and I sigh and go over to Luke. "Do you have a crush on Clifford or something?" Luke asks me.

"What? No. He just seems lonely. He needs more friends."

But subconsciously, I knew I was lying. To myself and to Luke.