Sweaters || Malum

Epilogue 1 - Michael

Song for the Chapter: Fade to Black by Metallica

Another sad chapter. I honestly got misty eyed.

Dedication to Michaelsclifaconda because they've been commenting and voting from the beginning

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*Michael's Point of View*

There was only eight people at Calum's funeral. Ashton, Luke, his Mum, his father, an aunt and an uncle of his, Mr. Folsom, and me. I was surprised to see Mr. Folsom here, but I guess he needed to fulfill an unwritten agreement he had with Calum. It was an open casket funeral and I don't know how long I had been next to the coffin. I was talking to Calum, which may sound crazy but it was my way in thinking he wasn't really gone.

"S-So everyone at school is t-talking about you, C-Cal. N-Not in a g-good way. Everyone is m-mourning. I d-don't know why you d-did this, and I-I wish I could h-have been there t-to stop you." I tell him, choking up slightly. My eyes begin tearing up and I look away for a moment to recuperate. I take a deep breath in and continue, "You should have c-come t-to me!" I say this a bit loudly. 

I look over his small imperfections in his death. His skin was paler than I was used to, his lips weren't full like they were before, and you could obviously see the marks from previous abuse. Speaking of the abuse, I didn't count them personally as going because they needed to go. Calum's father was in handcuffs accompanied by two officers, why they allowed him to go to the funeral which he probably indirectly caused was stupid. But needless to say, during the autopsy they found bruising and past breaks and they were able to trace it back to his father. 

I caress Calum's cheek lightly, remembering how he used to smile when I did this. His eyes would squint and his dimples would pop, and his teeth would show. "I-I'm going to m-miss you." I whisper to him, as if he could hear me. His skin was cold as I take my hand away. I look down at the hole he was going to be in soon, and I didn't want to believe it. I could still see some bruising from the rope, that never healed. Calum was my first love, but I wish I never met him. I remember how awkward he was trying to get Ashton and I to hang out with him and Luke. He seemed so lively and happy with himself.

"Well, I mean, we could be." Calum urges.

"N-No thanks." I tell him, looking at Ashton.

"Maybe another time." Ashton tells him and he and I walk faster away from Calum.

I never told Calum about it, but I saw him looking at me a lot during band class. He would always give me a shy smile and I would always look away, as if I never noticed. I only turned him down because I was slightly scared of commitment and allowing somebody else in. And it just so happens I shouldn't have gotten close, because I fell in love with him. But he was gone now and I was standing over his body at his funeral. His cold, lifeless body.

The next hour seems completely surreal. A priest speaking, his coffin being slowly brought down to the ground. But as this happens, I see some dirt being thrown over his body as his Mum says some words. "N-No!" I scream, running over to the hole in the cold ground. I fall to my knees, looking down at Calum's burial place. 

"Sir you have to move." One person says to me, holding a shovel.

I have hot tears running down my burning face. "He c-can't be d-dead." I sob, shaking. I feel hands on me, pulling me away from Calum. I am being separated from him again. I look to my sides and see Luke and Ashton, and I immediately pulled away. "I-It's your fault! If you d-didn't try to hurt him l-like you d-did then p-people would have s-still liked him! He m-may have never f-felt so alone and d-did this!" I scream at Ashton and he looks absolutely bewildered.

After I say this, everyone is quiet. You can hear the wind blowing, the trees rustling, and my sobs into the winter air. I shake my head violently, rocking back and forth on the hard ground. I run my hand through my dark blue hair, thinking of Calum. He was consuming my every thought. Everything I did, I compared it to Calum.

"I just think I'm a bit b-big. Like my stomach is p-pudgy." I tell him, self-consciously bringing my arms to wrap around my stomach.

Calum lightly places his hand on my wrist and says, "You're not pudgy or big or whatever. Your stomach is probably cute."

Tears continue to fall. Mad at everyone. Mad at his Mum for leaving him, mad at his father for hitting him, mad at Ashton for destroying him, mad at Luke for leaving his side, and mad at myself for breaking up with him for nothing. I overreacted that day, I should have realized he said it to avoid getting hit. I could have spent the night, kissed him. Maybe nothing would have gone down.

"I-It's my fault." I scream out, and everyone just continues to look at me in shock. No wonder Calum killed himself, everybody in his life either abandoned him or hurt him. Including me.

--2 Years Later--

It was exactly two years after Calum committed suicide. I haven't visited his grave since his funeral. I felt the cold metal pressed against my torso as I walk into the cemetery. Nobody was here and I knew automatically where he was buried. I get to his headstone and I remember what happened after his funeral.

"Michael, you knew Calum probably better than I did. I just.. I want to find something to put on his tombstone. Something that would remind somebody of him." His Mum tells me sadly as I stand in my doorway sadly. 

Tears well up in my eyes and I let a couple fall. "Have it s-say, 'He w-was left out in the d-dark and no o-one was there t-to save him.' H-He participated in t-that t-talent show the d-day he d-died. He sung a s-song called W-Welcome to my Life, and i-if anything that r-reminds me of him."

And that is exactly what it said. 

In loving memory of Calum Thomas Hood

January 25, 1995 to December 5, 2013

Beloved son, boyfriend, and friend. He was left out in the dark and no one was there to save him.

Rest in Peace.

And if anything broke me, it was this. "It's b-been a while, b-babe. I g-graduated high school, b-but I n-never went to c-college. I-I have n-never been in l-love again. You w-were so perfect, C-Calum." I cried.

Tears fall from my eyes and I run through my hands through my dark blue hair. I always redyed it dark blue because it was the color Calum bought for me. "I-I can't live w-without you, Calum." I sob, the cold metal still pressing up against my torso. 

"We are s-star crossed lovers, C-Calum. N-Never destined to b-be together, and it e-ends with d-death. A tragic s-story, r-really. I tried s-so hard to be w-without you, babe. S-So don't be m-mad when I-I see you again." I tell him, attempting to swallow the lump that had formed in my throat. I reach into the waistband of my jeans and pull out the gun I was holding. 

"I shouldn't b-be doing this i-in front of you, I-I know. B-But it is the s-sentimentality. I-If you g-get it." I tell him.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Someone asks me, and I look up seeing an officer on the other side of the iron fence. Calum's grave was the closest row near the road and I was holding a gun in my hand, plain sight. 

I place the gun to my head, taking the safety off. "Hey, stop!" He yells and I place pressure on the trig-....